Crazy Brit Heaven

Saturdays are for Pottering

2012-01-24T08:00:00.000Z

In addition to our weekly date nights, the Photographer and I also plan in a date weekend once a month. It is a weekend that no other people or plans are booked into so that we can spend time just with each other and truly relax. These weekends can be planned in advance or we can see what we feel like at the time.

This past weekend ended up being wholly productive. We pottered into town at a very leisurely pace, enjoying the beautiful sunshine on a very mild winter's day. We bought various things we needed around the house and a few things that we simply wanted.

We went for a swim, we watched the snooker Masters, we chatted, we lounged, we pottered, we ate and we baked.

It will come as no surprise that this particular Photography household consists of two chocoholics so we took to the kitchen to try out some gluten-free chocolate treats. Both of our experiments turned out beautifully and I'm not ashamed to say that they are both already almost entirely demolished by the two of us.

I feel like I've actually had the opportunity to spend some quality time with the Photographer this weekend. I feel like I've actually seen him and it's done me wonders.

Saturdays are definitely made for pottering. And when you're pottering with your other half it becomes even more soul-reviving.

Much love,
xx

Eyes to See

2012-01-22T20:59:00.002Z

About 3 or 4 years ago I took up knitting. I started on a 'small' project - a toy penguin. I enthusiastically knitted its black body, its white bib, its yellow feet and orange beak. And then the enthusiasm waned, the knitting needles found their home in a ball of wool and that wool found its way to the back of a cupboard in a little green bag.

Time and again I was reminded - my penguin had no eyes. And so it sat, without sight, for years. Until I bought a wool needle this weekend. Finally I had no more excuses not to give my penguin his eyes. The green bag was unearthed, the black wool found, and my little penguin received his sight. The knitting needles were resurrected and in one short weekend he now has his wings and a scarf to keep him warm. All that's left is his little stripy hat.

Hopefully it won't take years for him to get it.

Much love,
xx

Parallel lives

2012-01-12T09:39:00.001Z

My usual commute takes around 40 minutes. Last Monday it took 3 hours.

Whilst sat on the motorway with my engine off, reading and eating chocolate, I kept a close eye on Twitter for updates. My first thought was one of gratefulness that technology could keep me so immediately informed. I could '@' those caught in the jam around me and enter into a united spirit of sharing information. I then began to notice that the same technology that was keeping me so usefully up-to-date, was also a potential cause of the impatientness I observed in the tweets.

"I hate the M25"

"Stupid drivers making me late again"

"What a great way to start a Monday morning"

There was barely any sense of the reality going on around them. No acknowledgement that the reason we were all gridlocked was because an air ambulance had to land. No compassion for the family of the person that, as I later found out, was declared dead at the scene. No realisation that our lives are part of an infinite network of people living parallel lives, and that being stuck in traffic is such a small frustration in comparison to the absolute distress that the friends and family of the casualty will currently be living through.

I was quietly content that morning, arriving at work un-flustered despite my record long commute. Because in the grand scheme of things, my long journey and late arrival at work made little impact on those around me. In stark contrast, the events of that morning, in someone else's life, changed their world forever.

Parallel lives, worth bearing in mind when we need a little perspective.

Searching for Beauty in Art

2012-01-03T13:52:00.004Z

The most well-reviewed pieces of literature and art in all forms, are held with such high regard because of the beauty they hide. The poignancy of the messages they communicate, however subtly, are a perfect illustration of truth, meaning and beauty, conveyed in a way that the mind might not comprehend, but the heart certainly understands.

So one of my goals over 2012, one of my many goals, is to search for that beauty in places I have never before looked. In classic books I have never read, in classic films I have never watched and in classic scores that I have never heard, or if heard, never really listened to.

My journey begins, at the prompting of a friend, with Schindler's List. I'll let you know what I find.

Much love,
xx

Perfection upon Reflection

2011-12-31T18:26:00.002Z

New Year's Eve for me has always been the most perfect time to reflect. A year has passed and a fresh, blank canvas is about to begin. What I paint on that canvas will mostly be up to me but I sincerely hope that it will become a smorgasbord of people and experiences.

2011 has been a busy year, not only for experiences but for stretched time. The majority has been filled with highs, with my wedding to the Photographer at its pinnacle. Unsurprisingly, April 21st to me, was everything I wanted from 2011 and more, in the space of just one day. If nothing else had happened this past year I would be joyously content in the knowledge that my husband is at my side.

I am so grateful that 2011 has been a year defined by friendships. New friendships, deepened friendships and most poignantly, restored friendships. They have all taught me so much and I am genuinely thankful that each individual chose to share some of their time with me.

This year has been one of travel, with the Photographer and I visiting Barbados, Iceland, Prague, Munich, Marseille and Cologne. Needless to say this has been a source of great happiness to me - I love to explore and see the world and it has been so lovely that we've been able to do it as a pair, on honeymoon, visiting friends, holidaying with friends, attending weddings abroad, and visiting family.

I was expecting the extension of this busy-ness in the lead up to Christmas to be overwhelming and yet, it wasn't. The Beautiful Blonde stayed with us for 10 days at the beginning of the month and she was a very welcome addition to our home. She was such a blessing during this busy season, with the busy-ness becoming even more fun because we could share it with her.

Christmas this year gave me time to think, time to look around and appreciate my family, and time to understand a few things that will be changing next year. It also offered me a little time to re-evaluate perfection.

Perfection often depends on expectation. It can only be attained by removing the blinkers from your vision and accepting that life cannot always be organised (which is certainly saying something for me!). Its current is too strong to avoid should the tide take you, and allowing flexibility opens up space that has more of a potential to be, for its purpose, perfect. So for the coming year I'm hoping to allow room for maneouvre in the hopes that the year might surprise me in both what I hope for and what I do not expect.

For the country, 2012 will signal the Queen's Diamond Jubilee Year and it will also bring the Olympics to the UK - a test of the country's infrastructure I'm still hesitant it will prove able to carry!

Personally, 2012 brings a challenge to manage time so that it doesn't feel stretched, to equate perfection with contentedness and to share as many experiences as I can with those around me.

Happy New Year and a very blessed 2012.

Much love,
xx

Grateful

2011-12-21T10:35:00.002Z

"And so this is Christmas, and what have you done? Another year over, and a new one just begun..."

2011 has without question been one amazing year. It has been a year of deepened friendships, of restored friendships, of travelling, of learning, living and sharing, and of joy.

Above all else this year, I promised to love, honour and obey the man who I am so ridiculously honoured to call my best friend and other half; the man who makes me smile when I'm sad, who takes literal delight in my joy, who makes me laugh, who challenges and teaches me, who knows me better than anyone on earth and who loves me without question or condition. And for us, 2011 has only been the beginning so who knows what 2012 will bring.

I'm sure I will write a more comprehensive review and look ahead in the coming weeks, but for now I simply wanted to wish you a very happy Christmas and a blessed 2012.

Much love,
xx

Cinnamon sticks and ribbons

2011-12-05T19:12:00.000Z

December has got off to a gloriously cozy beginning.

I took Friday off work and during our long weekend, the Photographer and I bought our tree and decorated it. We then went for a blissful crisp and cold walk by the river before curling up to It's a Wonderful Life. What a wonderful way to begin the holiday season! I then made some cinnamon stick, eucalyptus and ribbon Christmas tree decorations and a cinnamon stick candle, complete with ribbon and button. Haven't done so well on the reflection time yet but hoping that will come later in the month over the New Year.
December has only just begun and there are still many things I hope the coming weeks will bring including: making wheat-free blueberry pancakes with my Beautiful Blonde, scrapbooking, playing my flute, parties, going swimming, sending some Christmas snail mail and reading a German book. Some of these might overflow into 2012, but we shall see. I always love a challenge.

Much love,
xx

December hopes

2011-12-01T11:34:00.002Z

In keeping with my sporadic blogging of late, November passed in a bit of a blur. On reflection I did fulfil some of my November hopes. I took some steps into the unknown with, I hope, positive outcome. We went to three fireworks displays, all of which were awesome in their own ways. We saw lots of friends, did a photoshoot with a friend in the Autumn mist and leaves, and watched lots of movies curled up with chocolate. And so Autumn fades with happy memories.

Onto the next season, and with December come so many more hopes and expectations.

- I hope to complete some craft activities. With the help of my Beautiful Blonde I will be doing some scrapbooking this month for a good friend's Baby Shower. I also want to buy some cinnamon sticks and get creating with candles and Christmas decorations. I love continually making our house a home (or, flat a home in our case!) and can't wait to make the most of this new season.

- We're having a Christmas party with all of our friends next week, and the following week I'm getting the girls together for a girly Christmas movie night. I have bought the final few DVDs that were noticeably lacking in my Christmas collection and now own Miracle on 34th Street (original and 90s versions), It's a Wonderful Life and Muppet Christmas Carol in addition to The Holiday and Love Actually. Combine these with wonderful girls, some wine, ice cream and chocolate and you have a blissful evening!

- I hope to finish reading the original Dickens Christmas Carol and maybe make a start on another of the classics that I downloaded onto my Kindle.

- Amidst all of this we have countless dates with friends and family and we're spending Christmas in Germany so Gluhwein and the Weihnachtsmarkt will both make an appearance.

- My biggest hope of all is that I don't let this flurry of events and activities overwhelm me to the point where I can't enjoy them for need of my own space every now and then. Instead, I want to enjoy the memories I make as I make them and also find those pockets of time for myself.

I'm realising more and more that I take great joy both in creating and in learning. Autumn and Winter are perfect times to expand on these as the cold and dark usher people indoors. So in short, my hope for December is to nurture these outlets and see where they take me!

Happy Winter!

Much love,
xx

November hopes

2011-11-01T10:53:00.000Z

This is by far the longest amount of time I have gone without posting, since starting this blog. The entire month of October passed without comment from me on here. October was full of blog-worthy content - a new office, studying for a diploma, a wedding in France, countless coffee and catch-ups with friends, birthday celebrations and my usual life-pondering in between - and yet somehow, my corner of the blogosphere remained silent.

"It is familiarity with life that makes time speed quickly. When everyday is a step in the unknown, as for children, the days are long with gathering of experience."
~ George Gissing

Two years ago, I wrote about Robbie Williams lyrics 'Youth is wasted on the young' and following on from that, the quote above is my hope for November.

October was familiar, so familiar that it whizzed past. I absolutely adore Autumn for so many reasons. November is one of my favourite months and it houses one of my favourite nights of the year - November 5th: Guy Fawkes Night. I love fireworks, I love dressing up warmly and going out into the cold with friends and I love the general atmosphere surrounding this slightly random and very British celebration.

So, in the hope that November slows down, just a touch, I'm aiming to take a few steps into the unknown and make these short days long, by making memories and gathering experience.

Much love,
xx

Balance

2011-09-19T12:59:00.007+01:00

"You will never find time for anything. If you want time you must make it."
~ Charles Buxton

I read a blog post today on the topic of a balanced life that could, more or less, have been penned by me (it wasn't). I too can search my blog archives to reveal numerous blogs on the subject. My life is full and varied. I thrive on the variety, I relish the challenges and I am grateful for the array of people, hobbies and opportunities that comprise my life, but with so much to juggle, it's hard not to let things drop.

This, coupled with a persistent desire to grow and learn, grasp opportunities, seek challenges and make memories can leave me rather exhausted and unable to see how best to balance the creativity with the work life, the friendships with the me-time and the hobbies with the 'figuring out life' thing.

I scrapbook, I think, I journal, I laugh, I travel, I eat chocolate, I spend a lot of time with friends, I spend a lot of time with my husband and I blog to untangle my life in my head. In blogging I try to capture the areas of my life that are teaching me the most and in so doing I often forget to capture my life as I used to. My earlier blogs caught moments of profundity from the kids I taught, moments of hilarity with my housemates and moments of transition, in amongst the lessons.

I love to do so many things but there are only so many hours in a day and so many days in a year. I worry that if I spend so much time blogging/journalling and figuring out life, that I won't just let it happen to me, and yet writing and learning are, to me, sources of great and pure joy. These delights are second only to the experiences themselves that prompt my flurry of words or discovery of something new.

I haven't got any answers just yet. Our lack of any free evenings or weekends until mid-October is testament to the fact our lives are full and yet if you look closely through the pages of my diary you'll notice every Thursday is date night - just me and the Photographer - and once every couple of weeks there is an evening pencilled in for me-time, so we're getting there on the whole balance thing.

I just hope I don't acquire any more hobbies or balls to juggle just yet...!

Much love,
xx

Reality

2011-09-03T08:31:00.001+01:00

I've written it so many times that it is practically engraved into this blog, but I'll say it again. I love to learn. I love to challenge myself. I love to work on my flaws. I love to see myself grow. I love to anticipate. I love to reminisce.

All of these things I love, I write about, and as such the majority of my blog is dedicated to the positive changes in my life and seeing how they came about. I am slowly realising that if I leave it at that, then you aren't being given the full picture.

I cry. I get frustrated. I get arrogant. I get envious. I race through life. I daydream. I worry.

One thing I'm thankful to be able to say I don't do, is give up. If I don't understand something, I keep asking questions and dedicating time to figuring out the answer. If I see a flaw I continue consciously to work on it until I see improvement. If I get envious I count my blessings. And if for a moment I forget those blessings and lose my way, the Photographer is quick to bring me back onto the right path.

In reality, every day there will be something I get wrong. There will be something I misjudge. There will be a word mis-spoken, a person I envy or a million thoughts that swirl into each other and stubbornly refuse to disentagle.

But I hope that in all of that there is also something, every day, that changes me, that teaches me, that makes me smile and that reminds me of who I am and where I'm going.

Much love,
xx

Coming Home

2011-09-01T21:01:00.000+01:00

I always assume, whilst watching distant planes glide silently into the sky, that their passengers are off on an adventure - going somewhere new, leaving their worries behind, seeking a new challenge, disappearing to recharge. It rarely crosses my mind that many of that far off bird's occupants might in fact be going home.

After a glorious week in Munich and Prague, those were the thoughts that crossed my mind as the Photographer and I ascended into the clouds from our brief layover in Milan - we were going home.

I knew what was waiting: work, a conference, holiday laundry. I also knew that we were returning home together, to the apartment we own, to continue our adventures. In just two weeks we'll be celebrating the Photographer's birthday, then we'll be off to the south of France for a friend's wedding. The Photographer and I begin our new 'Lebensjahr' (forgive the foreigner in me coming out - I'm not sure there is an English equivalent!) within weeks of each other and as such, quite noticeably look forward to the year ahead together.

So much has changed in the past year, all for the good, and we already have so much to look forward to - even more so if we push for opportunities and experiences. I can't wait to see what this next year of our lives will bring and what we'll learn individually and together.

Coming home can be a shock to the system - perfect holidays do come with their consequences! But who knew that it could also be so full of promise and hope. I'll try not to be disappointed in future when I remember that those flashing lights in the sky might in fact be taking real people back to their reality, and that that might actually be a very good thing :)

Much love,
xx

25 in Prague

2011-08-30T21:01:00.009+01:00

On the 25th of August I celebrated my 25th birthday.

For quite a while I've wanted to spend my 25th in Prague and was absolutely delighted that my dream came true. My Beautiful Blonde and her husband are currently living in Munich. They move quite frequently with his work, and the Photographer and I have always tried to ensure that, no matter where they live, they are still a part of our lives. As such we like to know and understand each new place they call home. Their most recent move to Germany therefore meant that a holiday was in order!

They spent 2 and a half days showing us their beautiful city. We admired the architecture, strolled through the gardens, visited the castle, ate ice cream, soaked in the gloriously hot sunshine, travelled on every form of public transport and even spent a lazy half hour on a lake in a pedalo - our husbands did the hard work whilst we dipped our toes in the blissfully cool water.
On the third day, we embarked on a road trip for us all to escape on holiday together. The joy of Europe means that just four hours later we arrived in Prague with plenty of time to begin exploring the city on our first evening.
The following day - my 25th birthday - was perfectly hot with a deliciously welcome breeze. The four of us ate breakfast together and my generous friends gave me my birthday presents - a book and a gorgeous scarf (the Photographer had already given me his present before we left - a Kindle!) We walked to the top of Petrin Hill, made our way through a labyrinth painted on the ground, sniffed the roses in the beautiful rose garden and swung on a four person swing. We stopped to enjoy a light lunch of mozarella et pomodoro, sat overlooking Prague and the castle, before meandering our way back down and through the city.
Back at our Pension, we changed and headed out for our dinner cruise. We began the evening with cocktails and, although the cruise wasn't quite what we expected(!) our laughter couldn't be quenched.
The next few days were filled with so much walking, so much talking and so much ice cream! The temperature dipped below 30 degrees for just one evening - long enough for my Beautiful Blonde and me to dance on a bridge in the rain.

On our final night, the Photographer and I were by ourselves - the Beautiful Blonde and her hubby having driven back home the day before - so the Photographer took me on a date. Believe me on this: being taken on a date in Prague is amazing. We found a small café just off the main square in the Old Town and the two of us chatted, reminisced, looked forward and ate lots of good food, before wandering the cobbled streets of the city for a final time.

Prague showed us beautiful sunsets, stunning bridges and breathtaking views. Our quartet raced across roads trying to catch the desperately short green lights, got used to our plates being whipped away from us at restaurants, agreed that we really aren't sure about all the small dogs that Prague's inhabitants seem to adore, and tried to figure out how trams and cars seem to share the road quite amiably. We had drinks served to us by a model train on a miniature railway, ate quite a lot of fried food, took hundreds of photos and made countless more memories.

We are so blessed to have friends who are so effortless to spend a holiday with. I am so blessed to have spent my 25th birthday with my husband and friends in such a beautiful city.

And so my next year of life begins. I wonder what I will be writing this time next year...

Much love,
xx

Lessons Learned IX

2011-08-17T08:59:00.004+01:00

I've been married now for almost four months. People are still asking me, 'how is married life?' and I still respond 'blissful.' Truly. I think those who know me less well, expected post-wedding/honeymoon blues, but they don't quite understand that I was always looking forward to the marriage so much more than the wedding day and holiday and as such am quietly and contentedly happier than I have ever been.

In the midst of learning how to be a good wife, I'm still learning more of life's lessons, so here's a few more things I'm discovering on my journey:

- Looking forward is a good thing as long as it doesn't stop you appreciating today.
- Compromise means finding an 'us' solution.
- Busyness is the arch-enemy of spiritual growth ~ Trey Morgan
- True joy is indescribable - the essence at its core deliciously elusive to language.
- Chocolate can not only make you feel better, but your husband too!
- Pockets of time are not simply there to be filled nor to be wasted, but to be cherished and treated wisely.
- Find a space that is your own.
- It's amazing how you can feel so contentedly quiet in a coffee shop even when life is buzzing around.
- The anticipation of writing on pretty stationary or in a pretty notebook can be a motive in itself to write.
- Colour can make a grey day shine.
- Getting your head in gear allows everything else to fall in line.
- Trust in friendship cannot be valued enough.
- Instinct, led by wisdom, can be your greatest guide.
- Knowing that you have friends who will cry with you, laugh with you and challenge you when you need a kick, is a blessing worth appreciating daily.
- Revels is a form of chocolate roulette. Stick to Twirl.

What is life teaching you?

Much love,
xx

Indescribable

2011-08-03T09:02:00.002+01:00

A friend of mine got engaged by the Trevi Fountain in Rome a couple of weeks ago. She called me to tell me and I sat bolt upright in bed and started screaming in delight. The Photographer turned to me with a smile and said 'ahh, they're engaged then!'

She is a very determined and courageous girl who has battled through many trials over the past few years, emerging a noticeably stronger person at the end of it. I am infinitely proud of her persistence and love to share in who she has become. For her, the time is now right and her friends and family see that, and can therefore delight whole-heartedly with her. The joy that things are finally coming together for her and her fiance - also a friend of ours - simply cannot be described.

True joy is, by its very nature, indescribable. Although words and music come tantalisingly close, nothing can quite capture it in all its glory. The essence at its core is deliciously elusive.

Which makes me question why I blog at all, if I can never quite convey emotion as deeply as it is experienced.

My conclusion is that in writing, I capture as much of my thoughts and feelings as is humanly possible and trust the reader - and myself when I read it back in years to come - to sense that additional height of emotion in relation to their own experiences.

Hugest congratulations to my friend and her new fiance, I'm so glad their joy is indescribable. It should be no other way.

Much love,
xx

ARK II

2011-07-16T22:04:00.004+01:00

I'm searching for a new challenge. I'm seeking something to change me. I'm looking for something to take me out of my comfort zone.

I'm a passionate person with dreams and ideals and I love to figure out life. With so much energy, I've become too comfortable, particularly in my vocation. I still adore running Events and I have learned so much in the last 18 months about interacting with people, humble assertiveness and what I respect in others. I have met some inspiring people who have watched me get married and seen me develop, but I'm beginning to feel as though my comfort is being overridden by my desire for perpetual growth and fulfilling my potential, and that by being comfortable I am losing purpose. I don't yet know whether this is a passing phase or something more serious but my heart is beginning to stray to bigger possibilities and, having chatted in depth with the Photographer, I want to try to put into words what I'm longing for.

In short, I want to be challenged and I want to make a difference. A colleague and friend of mine, back when he first met me 18 months ago, told me that he saw in me great potential and told me to make sure I used it. That has stayed with me and, alongside the part of me that doesn't want to disappoint him, I also don't want to disappoint myself or the Photographer. Particularly as a team, I can see so much potential in the Photographer and myself and we are beginning to figure out ways of enhancing what we have and ensuring that together, we make more of an impact than as individuals.

The Photographer asked me tonight "What do you mean by 'you want to be challenged and make a difference'?" I don't seriously think that one person can right every wrong in the world, and perhaps I'm being too much of an optimist and idealist about these goals and ambitions, but having thought about the people in my life that I admire and respect for what they've achieved and changed, there are a few things I want to focus on.

I want to meet amazing people. I have met some incredible people in my life. Not only people who have achieved great things, but also people who are so wise and vibrant that they challenge and inspire me. I don't just want to meet amazing people in the sense of people I like and get on with - I already have many incredible friends. I'm craving meeting new people; people who are wise and have used their time, money and skills to make a difference. People with a story to tell.

I want to see amazing things. I have been greatly blessed to have travelled a lot. I have walked paths walked in history, I have seen places of great beauty and I have marvelled at places that are not only breathtaking, but have shaped our world today. I want to do more of this; more travelling and with it, more learning. I want to take what I learn and use it to make a difference.

I want to have amazing experiences. Again, I don't simply mean I want to have fun - I adore my husband, my life and my friends - there is so much more to it. I want to experience things that challenge me, challenge my perceptions and teach me. In experiencing, I want to learn and then put what I've learned into action. And I don't want those lessons to stay just with me. I want to teach others; to challenge and inspire others as I have been challenged and inspired.

I want to use the majority of my time achieving these things, which means finding a way of interweaving them into my vocation. I want to change the world. Who doesn't? But I want to start now, with intention and purpose. When we begin thinking of starting a family I want the foundations of this change to be in place. I want to offer our children wisdom and experiences. I want to show them the world, encourage them to grow, to inspire them and to enable them. I want to give them the opportunities that my parents gave me and my sister.

When thinking of the phrase 'change the world', my mind wandered to the film Evan Almighty. God's answer to changing the world in that movie was to build an ark: Acts of Random Kindness - something I've blogged about before. So perhaps I'll begin there, by building an ARK, and see where that takes me. But this won't be the end of it. Now that I'm married there are two of us to take on the world, and I'm excited to see where we end up.

I'll let you know if and when we figure out where we're headed...

Much love,
xx

Contentment and Happiness

2011-07-03T14:11:00.012+01:00

There is a difference between contentment and happiness. Although you can be both, you can also be contented without necessarily being happy. Contentment involves a level of peacefulness that isn't dependent on everything being right and exists regardless of overt happiness. I often work on feeling content no matter what the circumstances (Phil 4:11-13) and I'm beginning to see the fruit of that.

I wanted to list a few of the things that are currently making me both happy and content, so that I can look back and remind myself of what matters to me. The theme running through all of these ingredients and thus, I'm realising, a key to my contentment, is that they're all things, which are helping me to be all that I can be, challenging me, teaching me and giving me focus. And that? Well, that makes me very content.

Making our House a Home
I have been pondering a lot lately on what makes a house a home and have been trying to outwork that into our flat to make it a place that is truly welcoming to anyone. Small touches here and there have put our stamp on it, making it feel more like home. The Photographer, for instance, has hung a guitar stand to our wall so that his, very beautiful, guitar can be permanently on display. Not only does this small addition make him feel more at home and give our lounge a more laid-back feel, it also means that his guitar is easily accessible for him to play more often, which I adore.

Coffee and Quiet Time
We've discovered our nearest coffee shop! Blissfully for me, it is situated in a Garden Centre, meaning that as well as relaxing with coffee, I/we can also peruse the plants and other cute homely items! I love getting out of the flat to think and pray and I'm thrilled that we've found such a lovely little place so close to home.

Snail Mail
A few weeks ago, my wonderfully generous sister bought me some beautiful Cath Kidston stationary and a gorgeous Cath Kidston stationary box and it's been a joy to start writing more. I'm sending post with little gifts and letters that simply say 'I'm thinking of you'. In thinking of others, I realise how much the people I'm sending mail to make me smile and I'm thankful for them.

Style Campaign
I've started my Style Campaign by purchasing three (!) pairs of shoes. Not only were these a bargain (£40 for all 3 pairs!) they should also fit very well and I'm hoping they will make my size 10 feet look a little less clown-esque! I've been popping my head into various stores that make clothes that are likely to fit and suit me but have yet to find my one purchase for this month.

Friends
Over the last few months the Photographer and I have been truly blessed by some new friendships. One of my close friends has recently started going out with someone and it has been a joy getting to know him. We've also had a few others who have started texting out of the blue to say 'free to meet up for a mid-week beverage?' for which we are truly grateful. Our friendship group seems to be blossoming which is a source of great contentment.

Productivity
Last but by no means least I'm beginning to implement the theory behind one of my latest blogs - Pockets of Time. I've experimented with new recipes, been for more walks, done my nails(!), written, read and chatted with friends so much more over the last few days and the lack of wasted time and space has given me much more of a sense of purpose!

What in your life makes you content no matter what?

Much love,
xx

Strike Action

2011-06-30T08:39:00.008+01:00

I have a political background. My father was Director of Press and Communications for a former Prime Minister and so I have, unsurprisingly, quite strong political leanings. However, although my parents were of one political persuasion, I didn't adopt the same ideas without first figuring out if I actually believed in, and agreed with them. It is for this reason, that I want to put a question out there and actually discover what other people think.

In short, many teachers in the United Kingdom are going on strike today in order to raise awareness and protest against planned cuts and changes to their pensions. This situation is not unique to teachers. Many workers in the public sector are facing potential pension cuts - unsurprising in the current economical climate and also unsurprising given that generations are now living for longer and this hasn't been planned for.

The world isn't fair. It isn't right that many workers are under-valued. It isn't right that hard earned money gets taken and often mis-spent. It isn't right that careful future planning gets reduced.

Equally, it's wrong to be selfish and arrogant enough to go on strike because in doing so you are saying, "you're wrong, but I'm going to counter your wrong by doing something bad myself." You're saying "what I want is worth more than what you want" and also "my happiness is more important than yours." In striking you're depriving people - children as well as adults, from 1 person to 1 million people - of a service that they also 'deserve' in order to make your point.

In essence, you're putting yourself and what you want or believe you deserve, above the wants and needs of those you have been entrusted with the responsibility of serving and that is wrong. Even if you're being paid for it, in providing a service - whatever that may be - you are serving and with-holding that for your own gain is as wrong as the injustices you're trying to fight.

Taking away a child's education, even for a day, is not right. The same applies to tube workers or any other organisation who plan strikes. Do those people who strike think they are better than everyone else and deserve more attention than everyone else? Do they believe that depriving others of the service they are usually paid to provide will really reap reward? Is there a viable alternative?

Protests are different to strikes. A (peaceful) protest is a much better way of getting your voice heard - one which doesn't disgruntle other people to achieve your own personal rewards.

The only exception I can see to any of the above is if you are striking for others - 19th century protests against child labour for instance - and changing the perception of the world for the better, when those in power lose sight of what is right in favour of profit or more power. Sadly, very few strikes of this nature, if any, occur any more - we have become accustomed to a fairly selfish culture.

The world is never going to be a fair place. I think that's an acknowledgement most will, if begrudgingly, accept. But I don't think that putting yourself above others can ever have a truly positive impact.

So that's my take on it; click here for another take on it.

Which brings me to my question. What's your take on it?

Much love,
xx

Pockets of Time

2011-06-27T14:08:00.006+01:00

I'm coming to realise that the best way to be productive, is not to write any time off as too short to complete a task. I often get home from work with an hour and a half to spare before heading off to see a friend/attend a meeting/sing etc. All too often I label that time as time to cook dinner and nothing else.

A myriad of fun tasks could be enjoyed during that space, if I only change my perspective to see those Pockets of Time as opportunities rather than waste them in a lazy haze. In an hour you can write a letter, go for a swim, give yourself a manicure, bake (whilst dinner is cooking), scrapbook, read, blog or phone a friend to catch up. All of these are activities I long to do but never quite manage to find the time for and yet there are pockets of time throughout my day into which one or more of these would easily slot.

I'm certainly not an advocate of ensuring every second is filled with something good and productive, transforming an already busy schedule into a manic rush. But I am beginning to see that there is time to fit in the things I want to do if I simply become wiser with how I view and manage my Pockets of Time.

Much love,
xx

Style Campaign

2011-06-20T13:51:00.002+01:00

I'm 6'1. That's really tall for a girl. I have size 10 feet. That's huge for a girl.

I may be slim with it, but I will certainly never be able to feel petite or cute or small. My dad and the Photographer are the only people who are able to make me feel protected.

As a result of my build, I have extreme difficulty finding clothes and shoes that truly fit my proportions. I end up settling for something not quite right and trying to find a way to make it work. As much as my colleagues insist that they never notice, I do.

So, this is me launching my Style Campaign. Instead of buying cheaper clothes that aren't quite right, I'm going to buy one top a month that is a little more expensive, but fits perfectly and doesn't lose its shape. I'm going to build up a Mrs Photographer wardrobe that suits me and compliments, rather than negatively emphasises, my stature. I'm going to opt for clothes that can be mixed and matched easily and I'm going to find clothes that I can wear together - layers are key! My theory is, that if I can find a few clothes that fit really well and work with other items in my wardrobe, I'm well on my way to feeling more feminine and stylish.

As an added bonus, as I buy newer clothes that truly fit me, I can give many items, that are in great condition but just not quite 'me', away to charity!

So, I'm off to the shops...

Much love,
xx

Guys and girls

2011-06-11T18:27:00.004+01:00

It is true, what they say, that guys and girls think differently - but it is not just in the ways most often spoken about.

At the end of last year, the Photographer had a 5+ hour drive to the south-westerly tip of England and another 5+ hour drive back at the end of the day. He'd had over 10 hours in the car so, naturally, when he got home I asked him, "you had all that time driving, what did you think about??!"

To me, this seems a perfectly natural question. When you have nothing material to do, your mind is awarded the luxury of wandering from topic to topic, dissecting life and putting the world to rights in your head. If you're female, I hope you can relate to this. The other half of our species, apparently, do not.

In response to my question he looked at me puzzled and answered, "Nothing really, I was concentrating on driving..." The men amongst you will nod in agreement that that is all that is required of a 10 hour long journey, but this completely perplexed me and certainly opened my eyes.

At dinner with friends on Thursday night, they were telling us of a comedy sketch they watched, which demonstrated this perfectly. Men, they relayed, have many tiny boxes in their mind. Each one can be carefully extracted, without touching any of the others, opened and discussed, and then gently placed back in. Women's minds on the other hand, have each subject matter open and flying loose, connected to every other topic and liable to move on at any moment. One subject can begin and within seconds it can have travelled via four other topics to arrive at the words that are actually spoken. Men, it seems, find this hard to comprehend.

The Photographer is photographing a wedding today and for the first time in about 3 years I have an entire day, from dawn to dusk, on my own and with absolutely nothing planned and I am treasuring this rare opportunity. This morning after the Photographer left, I went back to sleep, I got up lazily, went out grocery shopping, came back and baked brownies, watched a movie, read a book and then glanced up.

Dark clouds were rolling in so I put down my book, curled up on the sofa facing our huge lounge windows and just sat happily. Not doing anything, just watching the clouds, wandering whether they would break, and letting my mind drift from thought to thought, just like the clouds, drifting gently in the wind.

Thankfully, the differing thought patterns of guys and girls has yet to prove a problem for us as we realised quite early on those fundamental and innate differences and learned to accommodate them. But they still amaze me.

I love that I have another few hours of this empty day to drink coffee, sit in the stillness of our flat, watch the clouds and ponder life. A guy's worst nightmare, perhaps, but for me, a little oasis...

Much love,
xx

Less than perfect

2011-05-22T14:49:00.003+01:00

Define perfect.

There's a song in the charts at the moment with a chorus that caught my attention.

"Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel, like you're less than, less than perfect.
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel, like you're nothing, you are perfect, to me."
~Pink

Nobody is perfect. I'm not; the Photographer's not. But we are perfect for each other.

There are two extremes - thinking you're flawless or fixating on your infinite shortcomings. Somewhere in the middle there is a balance, acknowledging that nobody is perfect but not using that as an excuse to gloss over your mistakes. Not only does this acknowledgement release the burden on ourselves to be outwardly and inwardly immaculate, but it also helps to retract the pressure and expectation that we put on others to be perfect.

I find it quite easy to pinpoint imperfections in my character and I hope that I will never blindly accept these if I can improve them. Equally, there will always be moments when my judgement is flawed, when exhaustion clouds perspective, when I'm just not all I could be. The Photographer will probably bear the brunt of those moments at some point over the next few decades and, as frustrated as they might make him, he loves me knowing my flaws and doesn't expect me to be perfect. Likewise I try not to expect him to be perfect, and although he's been a pretty much perfect husband so far, I know that there will be times when his humanity will frustrate me as mine will him.

Imperfections, as long as they aren't excused without reason or settled on, can be forgiven in others if we realise that everybody is less than perfect, but there will always be at least one person to whom you are perfect.

Much love,
xx

Friendships and motivations

2011-05-19T19:11:00.005+01:00

So I have a couple of things on my mind this evening and what else is a blog for but to try and work out your thoughts into writing, right? The Photographer has gone out to meet with some clients who's wedding he's photographing later this year so I have a couple hours of quiet to get a few things done, to write and to think.

Right now I'm thinking about friendships and motivations.

I have two extremely close friends who live a very long way away - across an ocean to be exact. They came over for our wedding and having them here for that intense and precious week brought home just how important they are to me. One sent me a video message today and hearing her voice again made me miss her even more; hoping to Skype with the other at the weekend. Long distance friendships are hard. Worth it, but hard. I wish these incredible people lived closer to me. At the same time I'm counting my blessings that I am surrounded by people here who I love (even if some are temporarily far away too!).

As for the motivations, I'm wondering about the reasons behind some of the decisions I make - whether it's because I expect something in return or whether I'm genuinely wanting to do what is right. I had thought and hoped that the latter was the case, but when what I expected (not consciously I realise) didn't materialise, it made me think. I'm still glad I did the right thing but I'm wondering now how to deal with the disappointment of failed expectation; trying to understand why, when I was truly happy with the decision we made for no reason other than it was right, I now feel confused and a little knocked off balance.

For me, the unexpected serves as a reminder closely to examine the motivations behind my words and actions to see whether they are pure, or whether deep down I'm expecting a particular response. In some cases I may not be able to figure it out or my reactions may surprise me anyway, but if I can work on my attitude as a whole, making sure that it is genuine, unselfish and joyful, then it might begin to heal the disappointment and lessen the sighs.

But even as I write, my view changes. I love that our flat is so peaceful, that our big lounge windows face south, capturing as much daylight as they can and I love that coming home to the Photographer every day is so unimaginably perfect. I love that I can sit here, watch the warm tones of the sky as dusk begins to fall and have so much to hope for and look forward to. I love that my heart is calm and strong enough to accept responses I didn't expect. I love that these light evenings bring promise of summer. And I love that in the process of writing, I gain perspective.

Much love,
xx

Mrs Photographer - Honeymoon Part II, Iceland

2011-05-18T08:47:00.001+01:00

Six months ago, the Photographer and I were trying to decide where to go on honeymoon. I wanted to go somewhere hot and do nothing. My family have always travelled somewhere and then seen the whole of that state/country/city over the course of a couple of weeks so the prospect of a beach holiday doing nothing was novel. We settled easily on Barbados as it was one of the few places that was hot in April.

Having booked 8 days on a Caribbean island, we decided this wasn't long enough for our honeymoon and that we wanted somewhere that we could explore together, somewhere neither of us had been before. This is where the problem arose. "We could go to Milan, or Paris, or Warsaw!" the Photographer exclaimed, reeling off a list of cities - all cities I had been to. It proved quite difficult to find an exciting city that I hadn't already visited, so I turned to Google and searched for the Top 10 Cities in the World. As soon as I saw the list I sent the Photographer a hesitant email: "So... what about Reykjavik in Iceland...?" The response was instant. Perfect! Different, unique, 'Us'.

So after 8 days in 30 degree heat we re-packed our suitcases entirely and prepared for the cold. 2 days before we left for Iceland, their weather had been 0 degrees and snowing. By the time we arrived they were experiencing their hottest day of the year at a balmy 17 degrees, and the rest of the week didn't disappoint. Bar one morning of drizzle, we were blessed with blue skies and very pleasant Spring weather to explore this amazing country.

On our first full day we opted to take a boat out to Akurey - 'puffin island' - to see the beautiful blue and red stripy beaked birds that flock to the island. Thousands of the beautiful little birds surrounded our boat, keeping us entertained with their clumsy take-offs and belly-flop landings. Having never seen a puffin before (although I realise they can be found in the UK, but perhaps not quite so close!) and also being a fan of colour and stripes, I was extremely chuffed to see so many.

In true tourist fashion we spent the following afternoon on the 'Golden Circle' tour, seeing the location of the first Viking parliament and the continental drift, being drenched by the spray of the Gullfoss waterfall as it caught the light and offered us a beautiful rainbow, and waiting with anticipation for the geysir Strokkur to erupt, which it duly did every 3-5 minutes! The day was relaxed enough not to feel rushed but packed enough that we felt as though we'd seen a lot of the sites - great combination.

The highlight of Iceland for both of us (very closely followed for me by the puffins!) was the Blue Lagoon. This incredible milky oasis was everything we expected and more. Wandering around in our hired bath robes, it was like spending the day at a spa. Standing in just a bikini before getting in gave you just enough time to realise it was cold outside before your entire body relaxed into the natural heat of the Lagoon. We spent hours there, swimming and floating, getting out and having lunch, getting back in and making the most of their free face masks and then getting out and having cocktails. True relaxation.

We opted to stay at a Luxury Apartment for our stay in Iceland, which ended up being perfect for what we wanted. We ate out twice, but stayed in and cooked and then curled up with a movie for the other nights. The apartment was on a side street off Reykjavik's main street so it took us less than 10 seconds to get to the hub of Reykjavik's shopping, restaurants and tourist attractions. I adored going to the grocery store and buying local produce for breakfast, lunch and dinner - it was all so easy. In fact, 'easy' pretty much sums up our experience of Iceland. From getting the plane in London, to finding our apartment, booking tours, eating out and getting home, the process was absolutely painless - one of the simplest travel experiences I've ever had!

Our whole honeymoon was, like the wedding, perfect. We were extravagant. If we were hungry, we ate whatever we wanted. If we were tired, we slept as much as we liked. If we fancied a cocktail, we bought one. If we felt like staying up reading and chatting, we did. But overall, the best part of our honeymoon was that for two and a half weeks I got to hang out with my best friend - my husband! - uninterrupted. No going home, no sharing him with our friends, just us. We talked, we prayed, we ate, we debated about the world and all in our own sweet time. For me, that time was the most precious gift of our honeymoon.

The honeymoon doesn't stop now that we're back at home. The Photographer has moved into the flat and I am loving having my husband around all the time (no-one burst my bubble, I'm sure the novelty does wear off at some point!). I love keeping our home tidy, I love cooking for my husband, I love keeping him happy - I'm amazed at how content I am slipping into a 'traditional' role, albeit with an independent career that I love as well...! As a couple we also have so much to look forward to and work towards, and in addition to all of that we are already planning date nights at least once a month (if not once a week) to sink into the luxury of being us, slipping away from the world and just enjoying each other.

Bring on married life :)

Much love,
xx

Mrs Photographer - Honeymoon Part I, Barbados

2011-05-16T14:31:00.003+01:00

Our first day of marriage was spent at a Hilton hotel. It was an amazingly calm and restful day. It was also the day my new husband managed to lose his ring and I got asked out by a Venezuelan footballer...

After a leisurely dinner, the Photographer and I headed for the hotel pool. As he got into the pool, he quipped, "now I must not lose this" as he twirled his new ring on his fourth finger. Then in his true competitive nature he looked mischievously at his wife and said "race you" before diving off up the pool. He emerged at the other end with a stricken look on his face, twirling at his ring finger but the ring was no longer there. 5 slightly panicked minutes ensued, consisting of all occupants of the pool adorning goggles and slowly scouring the pool for any glimmer of the missing ring. The Photographer soon found it right by the spot he'd first dived and with incredibly visible relief he gave it to the pool manager for temporary safekeeping.

After the commotion, I opted to chill in the jacuzzi and was soon joined by about five Venezuelans - footballers as it turned out. They introduced themselves and within three minutes, one had asked me out. With a grin on my face, I showed him my left hand as his friends began mocking him with gleeful yells of "aw dude she's married!" I soon rejoined my husband and the rest of our first day of marriage was decidedly more peaceful.

The following day we headed off to the Caribbean and soon discovered that in Barbados there is little reason for you to leave the resort. We're adventurous types so did go exploring some days and even took the number 11 bus into Bridgetown - the capital - but were fairly underwhelmed and swiftly returned to our hotel with its private beach. We read books, chatted endlessly, had dinner by the ocean every night, drank cocktails, listened to the waves and generally forgot about the rest of the world.
The highlight of our time in Barbados was our evening at Daphne's. Instead of a wedding gift list, we had a Honeyfund where our guests could buy parts of our honeymoon. From flights and hotels to puffin watching and coffee, every aspect of our honeymoon was bought by our ridiculously generous guests. It was for this reason only that we felt able to splash out at Daphne's. The food was exquisite - easily on par with the best meal of my life at the Burj Al Arab in Dubai. My meal of blackened mahi mahi with peperonata, battered zucchinis and red onion was almost (I'm biased) matched by the Photographer's choice of swordfish, and our dark chocolate mousse with wild berry compote was a superb finale.

Having never been to the Caribbean before it was fun seeing their variations on what we know. During one of our ventures outside our resort the Photographer remarked "all birds here are comparatively exotic." Pointing at a simple black bird, I commented "that one's not." "Well, no," he replied. "That's a pigeon."

Likewise we went to sleep each night to the not-so-harmonious chirping of the tree frogs that are abundant across the island. After falling asleep to this sound every night for the first week of our marriage, I began to wonder whether we'd ever be able to sleep without it.

Thankfully, Iceland was much quieter and after a day at home in between we were off to do some real exploring...

Much love,
xx

Mrs Photographer - Wedding Day

2011-05-14T18:04:00.001+01:00

Memories are strange things. As I hear stories from our friends and family about their experiences of our wedding day, small moments that had been absorbed into my overall recollection of the day begin to re-emerge. As a day in its entirety I can only describe it as perfect. Not just because the logistics went off without a hitch (at least to our knowledge!) but also because it was perfectly Us.

The night before the wedding, the California Girl handed me some cash and told me and the Photographer to go out for dinner at the restaurant where we had our first date. She couldn't have read me better and, although most might disagree with spending the evening before your wedding with your other half, for us it was just right. 3 hours away from the hustle and bustle just with each other was exactly what we needed to relax and I'm so thankful our friends sent us off! We had a lovely meal before I returned to the girls, and he headed back to the boys.

After a surprisingly good and deep night's sleep, I woke at 7am the following morning with one hour in which to do nothing - not the greatest start for someone who loves to be busy. My sister and the California Girl distracted me with random questions on general knowledge, including naming all 50 states - a feat which the California Girl can rattle off with ease. 8am arrived and we gathered the dress, the shoes, the make-up and the honeymoon bags and left the flat.

The girls were all getting ready in a beautiful hotel by the river and it provided a calming backdrop to our preparations. We ordered room service, sipped tea and coffee, and munched on breakfast whilst doing our make-up and having the hairdresser style our hair. With time to spare we relaxed, chatted, laughed and admired each others' outfits until the time came to get me into my wedding dress. The girls surrounded me with the dress on the floor for me to step into and carefully did up the buttons. They then left to go on to the Church, leaving me with my Daddy for a couple of minutes of just us. He told me that I looked beautiful, that he knew I'd make a wonderful wife and that he believed the Photographer would make a great husband and, short as they were, I savoured those minutes with just me and him and his words of advice.

By then any nerves that had surfaced in the early hours had dissolved completely and I couldn't wait to get to the Church. We were early - of course - so had enough time for a couple of photos before the music began and I started my walk down the aisle towards my soon-to-be husband.

I barely remember the music; the faces in the congregation were blurry in my peripheral vision, but I do remember the Photographer's smile as he watched his bride. I nigh-on powered down the aisle and had a good few seconds for my train to be rearranged at the front before the music finished and the ceremony began.

Of the ceremony, I remember a permanent grin on our faces as we exchanged our vows, sang our hearts out and quite literally felt the wave of joy and love shared between us and our guests. The music was incredible - our talented friends came completely into their own - and our exit to Signed, Sealed, Delivered was enveloped in smiles, dancing, laughter, surprise and again, joy.

We had 45 minutes to spend with guests who weren't coming on to the Reception so we ate and drank, celebrating with them before escaping as a pair in our wedding car - a 1930s Roll's Royce! - for an hour's photoshoot at the same place where the Photographer and I got engaged.

The day was brilliantly sunny and very hot, so by the time we rejoined our guests at the Reception venue, they had spilled out onto the balcony overlooking the lake - a perfect scenic vista. Once more we chatted, ate and celebrated until the time came for the departure of the bride and groom. We gave all of our guests sparklers to form a fiery tunnel and to cheers and claps, we ran through the sparks and into the waiting car. As we waved goodbye, the sparks died down and, as we later found out, our guests returned to the band and enjoyed dancing long after we left.

A more perfect day could not have happened for the Photographer and me. Our hearts were peaceful, our smiles were unstoppable and our minds were buzzing from a day spent with the people we love the most and who's presence on that day will always be appreciated and cherished.

With the celebrations of the day over, two and a half weeks of relaxing on the beach and exploring a new city lay in wait for us...

Much love,
xx

Mrs Photographer - Hen Weekend

2011-05-10T12:47:00.001+01:00

Without question or competition, the past month has been the best of my life and I sit here at the end of it as an extraordinarily contented wife to a wonderful man.

A wise lady passed on some advice to me recently about happiness. "There are 4 stages of happiness" she said. "Stage 1 - anticipation. Stage 2 - savouring. Stage 3 - remembering. Stage 4 - telling others." I couldn't agree more. The anticipation, although not always recorded here, was sweet. It was excited and fast-paced and full of friends, laughter, a few tears with my sister and my California Girl, advice, encouragement and most of all, joy. The savouring, as much as can be cherished at your wedding - the day on which time doubles in pace and hurtles away almost before you can catch it - was done with eyes wide open and a calm to my fluttering heart. The remembering has happened every day since, with photos, friends, and family and it has been a source of pure delight for me to listen to their happy tales of our day. So we come to the telling others and in doing so I hope to capture a small part of the flame that was our wedding day and the happiest day of my life. As always though, it wasn't all about just one day, but rather a span of time, a whole host of incredible people and a story that is only just beginning...

My hen weekend with 15 of my closest girls was one of the happiest weekends I've ever experienced. They surprised me with Afternoon Tea at the Strand Palace Hotel in London and then whisked me off to see the musical Stomp in the West End before arriving back home to a beautifully decorated flat. The girls showered me with stories and girly gifts, and had set up a chocolate fountain - there had to be chocolate! Most of them stayed the night and I must admit to fully embracing the stereotype of a bunch of girls nattering, drinking coffee and eating breakfast in their pyjamas the following morning.

My sister was the lynchpin to that whole weekend and the pre-wedding week. She knows me so intrinsically that she knew exactly how I'd want to celebrate with my girls and I couldn't have asked for anything more perfect. My California Girl was also an absolute Godsend. She had flown across the ocean (as had our incredible Photographer - another huge inspiration in my life) and stayed at our flat for the whole pre-wedding week and I was so grateful for her presence.

Words cannot express what these girls and their love, words of wisdom and time mean to me. They are an outstanding group of women and it still astounds me that I am surrounded and blessed with so many indescribable people. The icing on the chocolate cake that was that weekend, was the bonds that formed between my friends, independent to their friendship with the Photographer and myself. They shared their own moments and meaningful conversations, and created their own memories. No longer did we have many disconnected friendship circles, gathered from across oceans and continents, but instead we found that the people we adore, loved spending time with each other as well. For us that was an amazing and unexpected surprise, for as much as we knew how incredible our friends are and how unique they are as individuals, we couldn't have imagined or hoped for the spark that was lit between those people over that weekend and the following week.

And so, the wedding preparations came together. The group of friends were a team of angels and made everything go blissfully smoothly - no stress, no panic, just time, laughter, and quite a lot of dancing!

Then came our wedding day...

Much love,
xx

Changing names

2011-04-13T09:33:00.000+01:00

What's in a name?

Unsurprisingly this question has passed through my mind quite a few times over the last few months. In 8 days, my name will change. Not my first name, but my last, the name which signifies to which family I 'belong'. I am so excited about the change, so excited about being married to the Photographer and so excited about hearing him finally call me by his name - something which I have pondered aloud but which he has held back on saying until it's actually real. But I must also admit to taking comfort in two things.

The first is that my first name remains the same. It is quite an unusual name - to the extent that I have never met another person who shares it. I love my name and I love that it is so unique to me.

The second is that, although I will refer to myself with my new surname, I legally retain my current name. I do not lose my link to my parents and my family, rather I gain membership to a new family - I will be privileged enough to belong to two families.

I am very proud that I will be taking the Photographer's name and be associated with him in name as his wife, and I truly cannot wait to be introduced to our friends and family, who will celebrate with us next week, as 'Mr & Mrs'.

I get goosebumps just thinking about it.

Much love,
xx

Wedding thoughts

2011-03-10T08:48:00.000Z

For someone who loves to learn lessons and challenge myself, it suddenly struck me that I've not written one word about what I'm learning from the wedding planning process. So I thought it about time I put that right...

For me, it's not about the wedding, it's about the marriage. The wedding is the first day of the rest of your lives, but it is just one day. With this focus, and as an event organiser by trade, it's been very difficult for me to connect personally with the wedding planning process as anything more than putting together the logistics of yet another event. Sure the final decisions have all rested with the Photographer and myself and therefore it's our perfect day, but the principles of planning a wedding and the organisation involved are virtually identical to planning a corporate event.

It has only been during this past week - hearing the edited version of the piece I'm walking down the aisle to, sending out invitations, seeing my new name written down - that it has finally and thankfully begun to sink in that this is my wedding. I'm not organising it for someone else. This is for me. For us.

This realisation has completely evolved my view of weddings. Yes it is about the marriage and at the end of the day, you're married, so nothing else really matters. However, this is the one day where you can go all out to celebrate your relationship with all those closest to you. It is the day where you make promises to each other, in front of your friends and family and before God. Those words and the understanding of those promises are the very cornerstone of your marriage and they are spoken on the wedding day.

How this only dawned on me six months into our engagement and just six weeks before our wedding I have no idea, but I'm so thankful that it has. Because now as well as being excited about our marriage, which I have always been, I'm also really excited about the wedding itself. Not because it's a big party or I get to wear the most amazing dress, but because it is the day when I promise in front of God and the people I cherish, to love, honour and obey the man I am going to spend the rest of my life with.

What a privilege.

What a day!

Much love,
xx

An update

2011-03-07T09:05:00.001Z

Hey there blog readers, long time no see.

Yes things have been a little crazy around here but not just because of the wedding. With just six and a half weeks to go we're making new friends, hanging out with them, making plans and counting our blessings. I'm marrying a Photographer so I should be able to sum up the highlights in photos, right?

Let's start with one of my favourites. We had a buffet brunch at the flat when about 10 of our friends came over to help make wedding invitations and then watch the rugby. Such a blessing to have friends so generous with their time and willing to hang out with us!

An unexpected dessert out with friends - Chocolate Glory of course!

Sunny walk on a Friday afternoon off with the Photographer.

An amazing surprise. I send the Photographer and his friend to the store and they come back with this! Joy!

And in amongst all of that we've watched a lot of movies with friends, eaten a lot of ice cream and continued to make some awesome memories.

Which brings us up to today, a glorious Spring day - cold, but sunny. I have the next three Fridays off work and I'm soon going to be married to the most amazing guy in the world.

I'd say things are pretty alright, wouldn't you?

Much love,
xx

Life happens

2011-02-19T09:39:00.001Z

A colleague and good friend of mine recently quoted John Lennon: life is something that happens whilst you're busy making other plans.

In some ways I agree. We may try very hard to plan, but life isn't always predictable and it will often follow its own path undeterred by our unsuccessful attempts to divert it back to our own desires.

But mostly, I disagree. At least, I disagree that it has to be true. Life doesn't have to pass you by. Making plans is great but being bound by them when life is clearly taking you elsewhere surely can't be wise. Being too focused on what we want blinds us to possibility and when we release the control over our lives that we naturally covet, we begin to see that where we're at can be pretty amazing. We may also realise that by letting life happen, we actually begin to live it. To appreciate it. To thrive in it.

So yes, I make plans, and long-term ones at that. But if something changes those plans? I'm not going to grasp frantically at what I had so carefully thought through. Instead, I plan on being present and partaking in my own life and living it myself, instead of standing stubbornly on the sidelines, determined to have my way and refusing to let go of what I want, and in doing so, watching my own life pass me by.

Much love,
xx

Lessons Learned VIII

2011-02-15T11:24:00.000Z

The last few months have been packed with old friends, new friends and so many challenging and energising situations. Of course, with me, that tends to result in learning a few lessons. So I thought I'd share.

- Contrary to popular belief, creativity may take some fore-thought.
- Saying something in love with humility doesn't mean it will be taken as such.
- When you've run out of chocolate, you might need to re-prioritise!
- Friendship politics is a game - one that isn't worth playing.
- "Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip." ~ Will Rogers
- Friendships that can't take the truth usually aren't worth saving.
- Accepting generous gifts from friends - however big or small - often requires a certain level of humility.
- Learn to trust in God as Provider. He never lets you down.
- Relinquishing control has powerful consequences. It loosens you up to absorb setbacks, to have a balanced and refreshing perspective and to make the most of inevitable changes.
- Being a woman of beautiful character shines so much more than a woman overly concerned with outward appearance.
- Engagement is a season to be cherished as the prequel to an amazing journey.

Much love,
xx

Caught in a Current

2011-02-11T16:12:00.000Z

How do geese know when to fly to the sun? Who tells them the seasons? How do we, humans know when it is time to move on? As with the migrant birds, so surely with us, there is a voice within if only we would listen to it, that tells us certainly when to go forth into the unknown. ~ Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

I love this quote that I found on Mandy's blog. Seasons seem to be moving at a rapid pace in my life at the moment. As we approach Spring - and more importantly for us, as the Photographer and I approach our wedding - it has become apparent that we have been caught up in a current and are being carried smoothly through different waves and whirlpools.

With the new flat, our jobs, old friends, new friends, the wedding, travelling and starting a new business (more on that another time!), our lives are busy and fast-paced. Yet they're not rocky. You'd imagine that we'd be clinging to any semblance of continuity and familiarity at a time when change is abundant, resulting in a turbulent time of uncertainty. But we're not. We're embracing the change, riding the current and as a result, our faith is growing stronger and life's knocks simply feel like part of the journey.

I'm making sure I take the time to capture at least one moment from every day on Path and I frequently look back at how much we've achieved, the adventures we've had, the tiniest moments we've shared and how we've changed as individuals and as a couple over the past few months. Our engagement isn't passing in a blur of wedding frenzy. It's evolving into a season of learning, living, laughing, loving and letting go.

Relinquishing control has powerful consequences. It loosens you up to absorb setbacks, to have a balanced and refreshing perspective and to make the most of inevitable changes.

We're caught in a current, but we're enveloped in calm. On occasion I've had to explain to my friends that my lack of wedding stress does not equate a lack of excitement. We grow more excited with each passing day and our countdown is now less than 10 weeks. But you see, our excitement isn't confined to the hours that make up our wedding day. That day is just the beginning of our journey. A new season.

Time to move on.

Much love,
xx

Creepy

2011-01-28T09:38:00.000Z

I had my first experience of being followed this morning - in the creepy sense.

On my drive to work I noticed a car in front of me driving relatively slowly in the fast lane. The car was distinctive - a large, dark grey Honda jeep. As the slow lane was going considerably faster I pulled over and eventually pulled out again into the fast lane about three cars in front of the Honda. A few minutes later I noticed the Honda do a similar thing, pull into the slow lane and eventually pull back out three cars in front of me.

This continued for about 5 minutes - not intentionally. I found it amusing that this car and I appeared to be playing a 'who can get there first' game - safely I might add, we weren't going particularly fast. It didn't even cross my mind that the Honda driver had noticed my little car - it was more a game I was playing with myself.

As I pulled off the motorway to join the next dual carriageway I noticed he was in the lane which joined my road but going in the opposite direction to me. Imagine my surprise when he suddenly appeared on the slip lane going in my direction. I was even more surprised that he pulled into the slower of the two slip roads and gestured, with a smile, to let me pass and implying that he'd let me 'win'. He'd clearly noticed my little game, although couldn't have seen me as the driver until this point - I certainly hadn't seen him.

I laughed and overtook and didn't notice much more on the final leg of my journey. He then appeared yet again and although I tried both to slow down and overtake he would always pull in right behind me. He then pulled into the fast lane next to me and tried to hold the same speed as me while gesturing to 'call me'. At this point I got a little freaked out and did my best to dodge him. To no avail.

As my final exit appeared I tried to confuse him (safely, again, I might add) by only indicating my exit at the last second but he managed to cross two lanes to exit behind me. He then followed me to the place I work. As soon as I entered the work car park, with the Honda still negotiating speed bumps, I raced to the far end and pulled into my usual spot before he could see where I'd gone.

I can only assume he must have lost sight of me and given up as he didn't come as far as my lane which was past the exit.

Creepy. Who does that?!

Much love,
xx

Changed for good

2011-01-11T09:45:00.000Z

It's an odd sensation when you feel as though you are about to learn a lesson. Usually lessons are learned in hindsight with the benefit and wisdom of experience but I'm about to enter a situation that I know will challenge me and my character. It will teach me lessons in humility and godliness, in friendship, honesty and trust.

Knowing you're about to be challenged is surreal but at least it allows you to prepare yourself. It also hopefully means that the lessons will stick. All too often I'm guilty of having to re-learn lessons but I'm hoping that I've learned enough from past experience to take me into this conversation and that by living those lessons out, they will become a part of who I am.

Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good.

~ For Good, Wicked

Much love,
xx

Dickens

2011-01-04T16:01:00.000Z

If you can tell what the above is a photo of, then your eyes do not deceive you. That, dear readers, is the complete works of Dickens. They belong to the Photographer who in turn inherited them from his grandfather. And they currently reside on our bookcase.

Now that the metaphorical dust has settled on the flat, we are picking up our various belongings from parents/friends/storage and these treasures, along with the bookcase they call home, were collected from the Photographer's parents at the weekend.

I must admit to feeling incredibly grown-up to have these gracing our shelves and have therefore resolved that at the very least, one of my 2011 resolutions should be to read one of these beautiful books. The smell of the old pages, the stories they tell and the history of the collection. That should be enough to motivate me don't you think?

Much love,
xx

On reflection

2010-12-31T17:41:00.001Z

You all know that I love to reflect. So it will come as no surprise to you that I found myself this morning reading through my blog posts from the past year. Last December, I felt as though I hadn't really changed over the course of 2009. In stark contrast, 2010 has been a rollercoaster year of change. Let me demonstrate...

In January, I posted nine goals for 2010 and there have definitely been some steps forward.

1. Spend some proper time scrapbooking again.
Thanks to an incredible holiday with friends in America, the scrapbooking has certainly had some more attention! It's not quite finished but it will be, by the time the California girl visits and I'm certain that 2011 will bring many equally exciting adventures to scrapbook.
2. Continue to spend time with friends.
This has actually happened this past year as well as making new friends on tour. As such I want to spend even more time with friends this year. It's been so perfect to have a new home to invite so many friends to as well. There will be many dinner dates in 2011.
3. Write more letters.
I wrote a few at the beginning of the year and have just sent another to the California girl, but the middle of 2010 was lacking on snail-mail. Plans to resurrect this goal include going shopping for pretty writing paper and digging my fountain pen out of my handbag :)
4. Have more "me" time to include many more luxurious bubble baths.
Bubble baths have been far more abundant this year, and having realised the importance of me-time yet again, I've been working hard on prioritising it.
5. See more sunrises/sunsets.
Sunrises have frequently been photographed and enjoyed this year, particularly as the cold set in and the crisp skies became filled with brilliant colour. Sunsets, not so much, and I think I'll have to set that one aside, as my early starts often demand early nights!
6. Enjoy the seasons.
Others may disagree, but I think this year, the seasons have been kind. We've had the sunshine, the rain, the snow, the frost and most things in between. I love to see the seasons change and am already anticipating the arrival of Spring (and not only because it will bring our wedding with it!).
7. Spend more time away from emails and my mobile.
OK. So I guess this would be my one big fail, and the arrival of my iPhone has meant it was quite a catastrophic fail. However, I do still switch off and will attempt to do so more in the coming year.
8. Make a start on some character challenges.
I have worked hard on my character this year and I think the Photographer would testify that I have learned and applied many lessons over the past twelve months. I love changing myself. I love seeing the difference. I love a challenge. 2011 will be no different.
9. Experiment with some new recipes.
Thanks to many presents over the course of the year in the form of recipe books I have had great fun experimenting with oriental, exotic and home-grown but tasty cooking. The Photographer has certainly appreciated it and I know there are some new favourites. In three and a half months I'll be his wife, so the cooking experiments don't show any signs of ceasing.

So it seems I haven't done too badly in 2010. One of my challenges for 2011 will simply be to keep up all of the above; to continue with the good habits that I have worked on and make them bigger and better; to sparkle in character even more than the beautiful ring that the Photographer placed on my finger; to keep things simple, laying judgement and expectation aside and focusing on the genuine, the creative; and to enjoy the new adventures.

Happy New Year.

Much love,
xx

Path II

2010-12-26T19:39:00.000Z

So it's Boxing Day. The day after Christmas. The day we're supposed to feel overindulged from the day before and down that the excitement of Christmas day is officially over. But I don't feel that way. Far from it. Just the right amount of incredible food was consumed yesterday and there is so much to look forward to that the post-Christmas blues, for me, are non-existent.

As promised, I have managed to take a photo every day since I began my Path. Unsurprisingly, the run up to Christmas included much that was worth recording so please enjoy this little preview of my life for the past month...

And in addition to the above I've watched many movies, of which the below is just a sample...

I hope you've had a lovely Christmas weekend. What have you been up to?

Much love,
xx

Pockets of Happiness

2010-12-17T15:36:00.000Z

Christmas and New Year are important to me for reasons above the obvious. I love to challenge myself and the end of a year is a satisfyingly perfect time to look back at the past 12 months and ahead to the coming year. When I look back, I reflect, I celebrate, I learn and I change. When I look forward, I plan, I anticipate, I build courage and I hope.

I'm not sure what to make of 2010. It has had some incredible moments but they seem to resemble pockets of happiness amidst a rollercoaster year. Friendships have changed, mostly they have blossomed but a small few have disappeared further than they ever were much to my deep sadness. My best friend's mum died of cancer. I travelled to the USA twice with the Photographer, seeing four States. I learned a lot about myself and deepened my foundations. I grew in confidence at my job and my already amazing colleagues became important and trusted friends. I bought a flat with the Photographer and moved into the Queen's back garden. I celebrated, I cried and I learned.

Without a doubt, August 9th was the highlight of 2010 - the night that the Photographer got down on one knee with the vista of Windsor castle and the London skyline behind him, and asked me to marry him. That pocket of happiness is a large one and it continues to give me joy with every thought.

2011 will bring a similar amount of change, but the change I know of is only good. I will get married, I will travel somewhere I've never been before and I will have a home that I will continue to invite friends into.

I want 2011 to be creative and I want to feel myself sparkle. I want to manage my time in such a way that I spend quality time with the many incredible people in my life, share my life with them and walk with them in theirs. I want to be inspired and creative with what I'm given and give a proper outlet to my myriad of thoughts. I want to end next year with even deeper foundations than I have built this year and I want the people around me to know just how much they are valued.

I get to do all of this with my hubby-to-be by my side, for which I am eternally grateful, but nevertheless we are both very independent and have our own personal challenges and goals for the coming year.

I think I know most of what 2011 will bring, but I'm preparing myself for surprises.

Much love,
xx

Tradition

2010-12-10T09:34:00.000Z

Over time, families and friends build traditions.

When I was little, my sister and I each got to ask for one new video to go in our stocking. One year, I had seen a movie that captured my heart and so I dutifully put it on my list, excited to open and watch it on Christmas day. Only later did my father tell me the hassle to which he had gone in order to find it. Hours he spent, trudging around London looking for "Christmas on 24th Street" to no avail. He finally called my mother. She insisted that that was the name of the film I had requested but when he asked her to check my list, she quietly informed him that I had in fact asked for "Miracle on 34th Street".

From that year on, I have watched that movie every Christmas and I have every intention of doing so again this year.

Also in keeping with tradition I am having a 'father-daughter' day tomorrow with my Daddy as we go on a steam engine (the Tornado) to Chester for a day trip.

I love traditions. What are yours?

Much love,
xx

Landmark Celebrations

2010-12-05T19:08:00.000Z

Last night, the Photographer and I finally got to celebrate the past few months of our lives in style with our nearest and dearest. Things have been so busy that we never properly celebrated our birthdays or our engagement. Now that the flat has completed, we thought a housewarming would be fun, and as we're so close to Christmas, we decided to combine all of the landmark moments since August into one big festive celebration.

Friends came from all over to chat, sing(!), eat, drink champagne, catch up and celebrate with us. I felt so blessed that our friends made such an effort and I couldn't have been happier as we laughed the night away. Here's a sneak peak at the evening...

The next big celebration will be the wedding! Quite a lot to do between now and then...

Much love,
xx

Path

2010-11-26T18:14:00.000Z

So. I'm moved in. All of my stuff is in the flat that the Photographer and I own. I live in the place that will be our first marital home. And it all went smoothly.

The dining room table arrives tomorrow, the bookcase arrives Monday, the carpets arrive Tuesday.

And I've been taking photos along the way, so here's a few photos from my Path over the last week...

Much love,
xx

Blessings

2010-11-25T11:37:00.000Z

As a Brit, the one celebration/holiday I feel we really miss out on is Thanksgiving. It is the only holiday season to remain uncommercial and retain integrity.

We may not be having a meal with family today, but I'd still like to remind myself of everything I have to be thankful for:

A loving family who are wise and unconditionally caring
An incredible fiance who is my other half and amazing in infinite ways
Many friends - scattered across the country and the globe - who I can always count on
A beautiful new home where the Photographer and I will start our life together and share our journey with friends
A job which I love and which I actually enjoy returning to after a break
Exeriences to look forward to - including a "double birthday, engagement, Christmas, housewarming" party and ice skating with friends

Counting my blessings today.

Much love,
xx

Mrs Photographer-to-be

2010-11-18T12:24:00.000Z

In five months I'll be marrying the Photographer. The flat is bought (I move in tomorrow!), the honeymoon is booked and the wedding theme is decided. Christmas is just over five weeks away and when the new year rolls around, our wedding will arrive within three and a half months.

Partially in light of the above, and partially as a result of being the owner of my first iPhone - the iPhone 4 - I am letting myself loose on a photography project. It isn't designed to dazzle with creativity or skill - I'll leave that to my extremely talented other half. It's intended to record my path - using the new 'Path' iPhone app - by taking a photograph every day and sharing it with friends. I've seen this project done by quite a few others but in a time where many, many things in my life are changing so quickly, I don't want to miss a moment. In six months time, wedding over, honeymoon enjoyed, and married life settling, I want to look back and see these precious and unique months of my life as together, the Photographer and I look ahead to our life as one.

Much love,
xx

P.S. If you haven't seen the advert for the 'Path' app, take a little look: Nervous at Home. It made me get the app, it's super cute!

Lessons Learned Part VII

2010-11-09T12:51:00.004Z

And the lessons continue to be learned...

- Turning frustration into an adventure alleviates the onset of wrinkles.
- Plain porridge with melted chocolate chips is better than chocolate porridge.
- Sometimes life is just unexpected and in those times, look around and count your blessings.
- Don't let fear of something that may never happen stop you from cherishing the present.
- Living in a juxtaposition is confusing - take the time to figure it all out.
- The key to deep sleep is warm feet.
- Living out of a suitcase doesn't have to mean your life is a muddle.
- Saying I'm sorry, no matter how difficult that is, is always worth it.
- The power of a good hug is often under-appreciated.

Almost every day my eyes are opened up to something about myself or the world around me. I just hope that I retain these lessons, although I think that that art is in itself a lesson to be learned.

Much love,
xx

Perfect Protest

2010-11-04T11:10:00.002Z

Inspired by Kyla Roma, I'm joining the perfect protest. I know I'm not perfect, nobody is. Some of my faults need work but some of them make me who I am.

I eat too much chocolate.
I take a long time to trust people enough to let them know me.
I don't let my friends and family know often enough how much they mean to me.
I don't watch sad movies because I don't want to feel sad.
When I see a flaw in my character I work on it persistently, often failing to notice other things going awry.
I'm stubborn.
I vent to the Photographer to get things out of my system rather than tackling the problem.
I have no issue standing up for myself, but find it hard to stand up to really lovely and genuine people.
I have the memory of a goldfish.
I am overly organised but thankful that the Photographer puts up with it.

In Kyla's words, "imperfection is about giving myself permission to mess up in abundance and learn at every turn. It’s about being generous with my own imperfect self and the imperfect people around me. It’s about courage, humility, authenticity, and putting the judgement on hold to let grace step in."

So very wise.

Much love,
xx

Minimalism

2010-11-02T10:13:00.002Z

I've been inspired by minimalism lately. Not of the artistic variety but of the lifestyle variety. In preparation for my imminent move(s) and in reaction to looming government cuts, I'm challenging myself to cut back.

- If I buy new clothes that don't fit into my wardrobe, I will give at least one item that I already own, if not more, to charity.
- If I buy or am given something that is an added luxury, such as kitchen utensils, I will make sure I use them regularly, preferably in the preparation of frequent dinners for friends!

When it comes to cutting back on spending - particularly with buying a new property and with a wedding looming - I think it will be more a question of being aware of what we're spending and investigating creative alternatives. Having read an article about monetary cutbacks recently I know this won't be as easy at it sounds but it's possible and I think it will be rewarding.

It was with all of this in mind that I began to pack up my house. I threw out around 8 overflowing bin bags of things that I no longer needed, gave 3 sacks to charity and another to a friend. I packed 11 crates, 3 duffle bags, a big suitcase and a small suitcase and somehow I finally managed to cram everything I own into move-able containers.

So, here is my ~~life~~ stuff packed up in a corner ready to go:

And in my little storage area ready to move into the flat in a few weeks:

I'll admit that it looks like a lot of stuff but in my rather feable defense, most of the DVDs (and therefore most of 1 crate) are the Photographer's. It does make me realise that I have a little way to go before I can viably claim to be minimalist.

I am so blessed with having everything I truly need. I have a fiance and sister who are willing to give up their time to help me pack, clean and move (I'll be honest, they did most of the work while I was at the office). I have incredible friends and family who I value more every day. I have more than enough clothes, a roof over my head, food and drink. I want for nothing.

"For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it" ~ 1 Timothy 6:7

This verse has jumped out at me twice over the last week for various reasons. I want to make the most of life, not stuff, and I hope that this is just the beginning...

Feeling renewed and cleansed by my clear-out and excited and challenged by my fresh outlook.

Much love,
xx

Celebrating V

2010-10-26T23:16:00.001+01:00

As expected, the weekend was packed with emotion. We were able to see my friend a lot, not just for the funeral on Saturday. The opportunity for that extra time together was much appreciated and definitely cherished.

After arriving in blustering wind and torrential rain on Friday evening, the rest of the weekend was far more obliging and we saw nothing more than a few wispy white clouds for the remainder of our time away. On the contrary, we had warm sunshine and crisp clear skies, making some of the views quite breathtaking. The Photographer and I went for walks - by the lakes and on the beach, - we ate full cooked breakfasts every morning whilst admiring the sea view and, after discovering that our hotel didn't serve meals on Sunday nights, we went exploring and found a local restaurant where we enjoyed an amazing dinner next to a roaring open fire. A memorable weekend to celebrate 2 years with my husband-to-be.

As always, here's a little look at our weekend through the Photographer's viewfinder...

Much love,
xx

NB: The last montage of photos were actually taken by yours truly out of the car window while the Photographer drove home :)

Me time

2010-10-21T19:49:00.002+01:00

I keep trying to tell myself that there is no time like the present but somehow I often manage to act as though the 'perfect' time to do something will eventually arrive. From scrapbooking and writing letters to marriage and kids, everyday life often manages to get in the way; time restraints, monetary restraints, emotional restraints. What I'm starting to learn is that all you really need is one thing. Time for yourself.

Not to pamper yourself on a regular basis (although regular chillout time with bubbles, wine and chocolate rarely goes amiss) but to figure out your priorities. Capture all the people you want to see and live life with and make the time for them. Untangle the ideas and hopes in your head and find a way of making them happen. There is so much that I want to do and achieve, things which often only seem possible if I figure out how to stop time or get this or that done first. But if you never stop, you never allow your brain the opportunity to do its job. You never give yourself a chance.

Lately I've been busy at work, with family, away, at home, with friends and with the Photographer and as always, when life reaches its inevitable busy phase, the first thing to go is 'me time'. What I'm finally grasping is that this should be the last thing to go, because it helps to keep everything else in perspective and only then can you figure out how to manage the rest.

Much love,
xx

Juxtaposition and contrast II

2010-10-19T11:08:00.001+01:00

My mind is full. There's no more room. Things to do, ideas, dreams, hopes, looking forward, looking back, standing still, racing ahead, planning, appreciating, changing... so much changing.

This weekend will mark the Photographer and my two year anniversary. We had planned a weekend away in the New Forest but have relocated so that we can go to my best friend's mum's funeral on Saturday. Forgive me if when I update on this coming weekend I keep Saturday private and instead sing only about our anniversary. I'm bracing myself for a rollercoaster weekend of celebration and desolation, friendship, love and life. Happy but sad. Bittersweet. Excited but helpless.

We have now bought our new home and are waiting [mostly] patiently for it all to be completed. There is SO much to do before I move into it in a few short weeks - the Photographer will join me when he's my husband. Part of me is hoping for more time to squeeze everything in, but the other half is hoping to wind the clock hands forward to April when things will finally settle. Part of me is wishing for extra minutes to be creative but the time spent daydreaming for such precious grasped moments is more time than we currently have spare. Part of me is anticipating married life whilst the other part is treasuring every second of being engaged. Fast but slow. Unsettled but peaceful. Hoping and dreaming, but staying grounded.

I adore busy and I have wonderful things to look forward to, but right now my life is just one big juxtaposition.

Much love,
xx

Blog Action Day 2010

2010-10-15T16:30:00.000+01:00

Every morning I walk into the office kitchen and fill up my 32oz nalgene with clean, ice cold water - the bare minimum of liquid that I drink every day. When I get home I usually drink a few glasses of squash (diluted juice for those Americans amongst you) and often down a glass of water before bed.

This is just in one day. I do this almost every day.

A couple of weeks ago when I stood, thumb pressed to the 'dispense ice cold water' button, it struck me that this is not something I appreciate but instead something, which I completely take for granted. Why wouldn't I expect water quite literally on tap? Maybe because not everyone has a tap, let alone one that provides clean water.

I'm a firm believer that justice, working for charity, donating, volunteering and other such things are not designed to make the giver feel guilty. Knowing that there are millions of people around the world without access to clean water should not by default make those of us privileged to have that access feel bad. Instead it should motivate us. At the very least to open our eyes and appreciate those daily blessings which we take for granted. More so, it should motivate us to pray - God can do so much more through us than we can on our own. And for some the natural continuation of appreciation is to act.

One of my favourite Bible verses happens to be about justice.

"What does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." ~ Micah 6:8

And for me, it all starts with opening my eyes.

Much love,
xx

A Blog Action Day post. To check out more posts on this year's topic 'Water' head to the Blog Action Day website.

Tears

2010-10-14T11:02:00.001+01:00

This is rarely a topic openly discussed and never something that people want to hear, but it's something that, today, is heavily on my heart. One of my best friend's mum died this morning.

I have never felt the pain of a friend as heavily as today, never shed so many tears on behalf of another, never felt quite so helpless.

I know they say that you're not helpless if they know you're there, if they know you're praying. But I want her to know that I share her grief, I cry with her in the true and literal sense.

I'm not scared of dying, I never have been. My faith gives me a certain hope. But I have always been scared of losing loved ones. Knowing that I'll never again be able to hear their voice, laugh with them, cry with them and walk through life with them breaks my heart and today I am reminded all the more of how precious life is and how blessed I am that I've only ever lost one grandparent and even she was 94.

Watching the rescue of the 33 Chilean miners on the news yesterday and receiving my friend's heartbreaking news this morning has, once again, opened my eyes to life and my desire to walk through it with my friends and family. My friend's mum was a Christian so I am in no doubt that they will meet again but it is beyond sad that, at 25, she will have to wait so long for that moment.

I'm stubbornly refusing to allow my mind to wander to the situations that will never happen for her because I don't know where to begin dealing with those prospects. All I can do now is wait. For a phone call when she needs to talk, for giving a hug when she needs to cry, for going out when she needs to laugh and for time to begin its healing process.

I know you don't know her, but please keep her and her family in your prayers.

Much love,
xx

Blue Flamingo on tour

2010-10-13T21:40:00.000+01:00

Jetlag conquered, it's about time for an update on our week on tour with Blue Flamingo. It was intense. From performing almost every day to road trips, we did SO much in those 8 days...

Blue Flamingo...

- received two standing ovations as the closing act at Renfro Valley for the Renfro Valley Welcomes the World concert

Blue Flamingo at Renfro Valley

- took a road trip to Nashville, Tennessee and managed to get tickets to the grand re-opening of the Grand Ole Opry after the Nashville floods caused it to close its doors in May - an incredible night!

a beautiful building in Nashville (not the Opry!)

- played alongside the best didgeridoo player in the world, Adrian Ross

Adrian outdoors at the Bourbon County Fairground

- soaked up some sunshine
- saw some horses at the World Equestrian Games

- visited the home of the Original Kentucky Fried Chicken
- and quite enjoyed wearing tartan shirts and stetsons for a few days!

Oh and the Photographer also captured this beautiful eagle as it soared directly above us...

The Photographer and I made some great new friends that week - three of whom will be playing at our wedding (and one of whom is one of the top 10 trumpeters in the world!)

We landed back in the UK on Sunday night, got to bed around 1am and were back at work Monday morning. We then picked up the rest of the band who flew back that Monday night and took an unexpected road trip into London to drop one band member home who was stranded because of the tube strike. Another 1am bed time. You can understand why the jetlag was difficult to overcome last week, but I think we're both a little more coherent this week!

I love these adventures. I love the memories that are made, and even more, I love that those memories are shared with so many people I love.

Good times.

Much love,
xx

Night adventure

2010-10-05T11:23:00.000+01:00

Turning a frustration into an adventure alleviates the onset of wrinkles.

Since buying my car (the one that goes forwards) the only niggling problem has been the rear left window. Although it goes down electrically, it does not co-operate quite as willingly going up. Usually you can manually pull it back into position but last night the Photographer managed to put it down accidentally to clear condensation and the window stubbornly refused to close again.

This scenario found us gaffa taping the top inch of my window shut at around midnight this morning, having returned from an unexpected road trip into London to drop home one of the Blue Flamingo band who was stranded on his return home because of the tube strike.

As the Photographer pointed out to me when I finally went home, turning the gaffa taping and screw-driving (we had attempted unsuccessfully to remove the inside door panel first...) into a night adventure instead of getting annoyed made it so much more fun and felt very 'us'.

Must see if I can apply this 'make it into an adventure' attitude to other areas of my life...

Much love,
xx

BFJ - USA

2010-09-24T09:24:00.000+01:00

After almost a year of planning and preparation, the time has almost arrived for the Photographer and me to fly state-side to join Blue Flamingo Jazz on tour in Kentucky, USA at the World Equestrian Games 2010. We have gigs every day except one and in between playing we hope to see some horses, soak in some sun and eat some original Kentucky Fried Chicken!

Tomorrow will bring a 5am start and a long day of travelling but at the end of it we'll be on the other side of the pond again - a place for me that often feels more like home than the UK. I have that 'I can't wait to leave' feeling right alongside the 'I need to get through this last day at work first' feeling!

To follow BFJ in the USA you can keep an eye on the tour website, the Blue Flamingo blog or follow @BlueFlamingo

See you in just over a week!

Much love,
xx

September

2010-09-16T08:00:00.000+01:00

For me, the seasons are all pretty much perfect in length. When the days begin to get lighter and warmer in preparation for Summer I can't imagine wanting a single day more of darkness but when Autumn arrives, all of a sudden, I begin eagerly to anticipate the cozy evenings, the rainy puddles and the changing colours. When Autumn fades and the deep freeze of Winter sets in I relish the red nose, the snow, Christmas and hot chocolate and yet when Spring comes around again I'm done with the cold, and keenly watch out for signs of the new life that precedes the long Summer months.

So although September technically marks the end of Summer, it brings with it its own promises of Autumn and I think I'm about ready for the change in season.

Much love,
xx

Bucket list

2010-09-12T16:17:00.001+01:00

One of my friends and colleagues at work showed me her 'bucket list' the other day - things she wants to do before she kicks the bucket. A take on the 'things to do before I'm xx' list, if you will. Her list was creative, adventurous and really quite achievable, which, of course, got me to thinking. These ambitions were not vague, they weren't everyday, they were more than just working on her character, they were actually allowing her to outwork her character in actions, they were truly ways of fulfilling her potential. For me, a bucket list would take that one step further - fulfilling my potential and in doing so give glory to God, who made me.

So for your reading pleasure, I give you the beginnings of my bucket list...

Create a scrapbook I'm 100% proud of - done! USA 2010 scrapbook completed 03.01.11
Go to Israel
Visit every continent (except Antarctica... I don't have any desire to be that cold!!)
See the Northern Lights - otherwise known as aurora borealis
Get married (half way there on this one)
Be a Mummy
Read the whole Bible
Read at least 30 of the 'classics'
Go to see a ballet
Learn sign language
Go on holiday with a group of friends

*Updated 04.01.11*

Spend July 4th in America
Be in America for Thanksgiving

I hope I'll be adding to this in future as well as ticking some things off!

Much love,
xx

Sixty years

2010-09-05T21:07:00.001+01:00

Yesterday I went to the diamond wedding anniversary celebration of some family friends. Aged 79 and 90 they are both completely mobile and have a sharp wit on them and as they shared stories from their 60 years of marriage, including the tale of how they met, I marvelled at the joy they have brought to each other, their families and their friends during their life together.

The celebration was at the Church where they got married in 1950 and they had on display some of their classic black and white photos of long sleeved wedding and bridesmaid dresses, puffed sleeves and floral fabrics. What amazed me was that three of their five bridesmaids were at the celebration. These women have laughed and cried with the couple for more than six decades, through the grief of losing their own husbands and the excitement of children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

The couple's four children, nine of their ten grandchildren and their four great-grandchildren were all there, as was the wife of one of their grandson's, heavily pregnant with their fifth great-grandchild.

I was so privileged, as the Photographer and I prepare for our own marriage, that I had the opportunity to hear the wisdom from this amazing couple. I hope and pray that in sixty years time, we will be blessed still to have each other, and be celebrating our diamond wedding anniversary with our extended families and friends who have journeyed with us.

Much love,
xx

August Highlights

2010-08-28T11:50:00.002+01:00

So you may have guessed from my last post that life has suddenly got extremely hectic! The Photographer and I have been wedding venue hunting, house hunting, birthday celebrating, getting used to the new car and so much more in the middle. Today is our first full day off so I thought I'd finally update you on some of the highlights...

The Proposal:
On August 9th we got our new car - not particularly sophisticated but it goes forwards which is a marked improvement on my old one. The Photographer usually takes these sorts of things in his stride but for some reason unknown to me, he was really worried about getting back from picking up the car in time for our date that night. The venue where he wanted to propose closed at 6pm and it was a close call but we arrived with 20 minutes to spare, and with me completely oblivious to how the evening would unfold. Not a single other person was in sight as I marvelled at the stunning view from Windsor Castle, across the Thames to the London skyline. As the sky darkened, I turned around to find the Photographer on one knee holding the ring. When he asked me to marry him, I quite literally could say nothing for almost a minute I was so shocked and excited. When I finally managed to squeal 'Ok... yes!!' the relief and joy on the Photographer's face was very visible! What still amazes me is that he managed to ask my Dad and go ring shopping with my sister without me having any idea at all.

The Reactions:
We have received so many cards, bottles of champagne and chocolates but there are two reactions that I found particularly funny. The first was that evening when we told the Drummer - one of the Photographer's housemates. I showed him the ring and he looked at it and just asked 'What?' It took him a good 30 seconds to ponder what our news could be before we literally watched his face as the penny dropped and his expression turned to excitement. 'Oooooh!! Congratulations!' Boys eh?!

The second was the Photographer's grandma. At 94 she is still very much on the button. We planned to tell her and the Photographer's aunt at the same time. However, in the few minutes whilst Aunt went to put the kettle on, Grandma grabbed my hand, her eyes sparkling and exclaimed 'Are you two engaged?' You can't get anything past Grandma!

The Birthday:
Two weeks later it was my birthday. After a morning of playing and singing with 7-8 year olds at our Church's holiday club, we went out for lunch with my mum and sister (my dad was working in Poland and called me many times throughout the day :) ) The rest of the afternoon was spent playing games, chatting, watching a film and eating some more. A perfectly relaxing day!

So there you have it, the highlights of the last few weeks. When I return to work next week it's going to seem very quiet! What are your August highlights?

Much love,
xx

Sparkle

2010-08-22T21:34:00.001+01:00

The Photographer asked...

...and I said yes!

Much love,
xx

Leaving my [car] troubles behind...

2010-08-05T16:28:00.001+01:00

My car is broken. Again. This time it has properly broken and I need to buy a new one. Having gone to see one, only to find the dealer suspiciously trying to sell the car - which magically had scratches and bumps that were not on the photos - from a petrol station forecourt(!), and calling ahead before going to see another, only to turn up to find they'd sold it 40 minutes earlier, I'm less than hopeful. When you need a car, the buying process is not much of a fun one.

So I'm forgetting about it until the weekend and on tonight's agenda:

Bath with face mask, candles, and a girly magazine.

That's more like it :)

Much love,
xx

Simple

2010-07-30T08:00:00.000+01:00

Perfection is achieved not when there is nothing more to add but rather when there is nothing more to take away.

~ Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Anyone can make the simple complicated. Creativity is making the complicated simple.

~ Charlie Mingus

I like simple. It often frustrates me when I think others can't see the bigger picture and therefore complicate life for themselves. I get frustrated with myself when I think I'm over-complicating a situation, thought or plan. Only now am I starting to understand why this frustrates me.

The moment I begin to leave simple behind, the vision becomes clouded with details. Details are vital, but without the ability to see how they come together to form one, overarching picture, they are meaningless. By stepping back to the bare minimum, possibilities appear, solutions emerge and creativity blossoms.

In the profound words of a Russian meerkat, it's 'Simples'!

Much love,
xx

Historic Windsor

2010-07-20T08:59:00.001+01:00

Yesterday evening was fun. It was the kind of fun that I wish I could enjoy every day.

The California Girl - who we stayed with in LA - is staying with me this week. It has been so great getting to spend even more time with her and yesterday was just one example. The evening started quietly with dinner at mine, then she, the Photographer and I headed out to Windsor. We wondered around the gates of the castle and soaked up the quiet of the warm summer evening. To our delight we found a small cafe still open at 8.30pm - quite a feat in England! - that was selling ice creams. We sat on a bench outside Windsor castle, admiring the cobbled streets, devouring our ice creams and chatting.

As we strolled back to the car we passed an old blue postbox with G R on it - George Rex. It is the only blue postbox left in the UK and was installed for the first airmail service during the reign of King George V.

Image courtesy of farouq_taj on Flickr

Next to it was an old red telephone box - still in working condition I discovered when I dialled 0800-REVERSE! There is so much history in Windsor - I love being so close to it.

Once home we continued the British theme for the California Girl and drank Buck's Fizz - otherwise known as Mimosas for the Americans amongst you - whilst watching the movie The Queen and munching on some Cadbury's Dairy Milk.

Such a perfectly relaxing evening. Really don't want the California Girl to go home...

Much love,
xx

Proud

2010-07-14T22:37:00.000+01:00

I feel like shouting from the rooftops but since it's quite late I'm shouting from here. I'm proud. Hugely proud. Not of myself but of the Photographer. He graduates on Friday with a First Class Honours degree. As part of that top degree classification, he achieved 90% on his dissertation which has now won a prize and been submitted for publication. I just couldn't be prouder.

Much love,
xx

Excuses

2010-07-08T11:25:00.000+01:00

When I was teaching pre-schoolers I sometimes had toddlers who misbehaved - they often do at that age. What frustrated me was the parents who would blame it on "ADHD" or some other "illness" when actually, if they would take the time and energy to discipline their child, they would find this "illness" would suddenly disappear.

I had one little boy who had such a lovely character and yet he really couldn't sit still and was constantly excited and running around. In his case, you could truly see that he just couldn't help it and actually did have some kind of hyperactivity disorder. His mother would sit him down gently and explain to him lovingly that he should pay attention and sit still for a few minutes but he would soon be running around again, not disrupting others but taking in his environment the only way he understood.

Other children would misbehave and cause disruption while their parent would sit and chat to their neighbour, completely ignoring their child and often oblivious to the chaos they were creating. This in turn caused the child to want more attention and the cycle spiralled. It was often these parents who blamed their child's behaviour on some form of illness or disability.

I read an article this morning which introduces 'post-traumatic embitterment disorder' - commonly known as whining and whinging. Here we are again, finding a get-out clause for people who would rather complain than seek a solution, rather make others miserable than challenge themselves to find happiness and rather go lazily about life in a permanent grump than work towards finding a broader perspective.

I know that mental illness exists and I'm glad that it is more commonly recognised and that research is being conducted as with other illnesses. However, I can't help but wonder whether our culture is creating new "illnesses" as excuses for good old-fashioned bad behaviour.

Much love,
xx

Evening visitor

2010-07-02T11:09:00.001+01:00

Our back garden is a meadow. It's not supposed to be a meadow but we may have neglected our garden maintenance and it has become a jungle of knee-high grass and hay...

Last weekend was beautifully hot so the Photographer, his twin and I spent the day in the garden. Two blankets flattened a comfortable space in the meadow and whilst wading through the grass, I noticed two things. The first was that our raspberry bush had produced numerous berries, which the ants had not got to this year! I picked about a punnet's worth which we happily consumed with cream that evening.

The second observation was a small patch of flattened grass on the other side of the garden. At the time I could think of no reason for it.

Last night, around 9pm, the Photographer came upstairs and told me he had something to show me. He took me to the window overlooking the garden and there, sat at attention was the culprit of the flattened patch. A small tabby cat with white socks and a white tummy had clearly found our jungle of a garden and made it her evening chillout spot. As we watched, she kneeded her little patch and lay down. From that viewpoint our meadow must be a haven of fun for her, watching the tiny animals and batting at the tall swaying grass.

Sadly neither of us had a camera on us, but she is a very beautiful evening visitor and I'm now rather loathed to cut the grass as I don't want to relinquish her of a clearly favoured place!

Much love,
xx

Ice Cream Van

2010-06-25T14:13:00.000+01:00

I am blessed to have a workplace with beautiful grounds. Twenty seconds stroll from my office is a large pond with a tall gushing fountain, situated next to a lake. With benches, trees and large areas of impecibly maintained grass surrounding them, it is the perfect place to wile away a lunch break.

Today whilst sat in the sunshine, water watching and people watching, I heard the short, instantly recognisable tune announcing the arrival of the Ice Cream Van. I had no money on me to buy anything but still felt that happy summer emotion that those short musak melodies invoke. As I watched a toddler feed the ducks and run in the sunshine, I couldn't help but smile at the prospect of the coming months.

In comparison to this time last year, I'm not worried about finding a job nor am I concerned with a vast array of uncertain possibilities that may or may not materialise. Instead I'm making the most of having a carefree summer ahead. So much to do, so many people to see, so much sun (I hope!) to soak up and so many more lunch hours spent anticipating the arrival of the Ice Cream Van.

What are your summer plans?

Much love,
xx

360 degrees

2010-06-24T09:31:00.002+01:00

For some reason I always thought that having close friends meant that you instantly "clicked" with them and knew from that moment on that they would always be there. In some cases that has been true in my life. In others, not so much. I assumed that these were the only few people I would truly share life with. Within that assumption I believed that if a friendship hadn't been immediately tight, it was not worth as much as those that had benefitted from that first connection.

Whilst in America we stayed with a friend we knew and loved, but with whom I wouldn't have described myself as being particularly close. Spending that time together over our first week, however, changed that, as we lived life and created memories together. The Photographer and I made new friends out there and also got to cement friendships that were already very close to our hearts.

Since returning, we have not had a moment to spare. Our friend from France stayed for a few days, the Photographer's twin is now staying for a few days and one of my namesakes from Oxford will be coming to stay at the weekend. We're seeing the Meltworthy Vocalist on Saturday evening, visiting my Beautiful Blonde the following weekend and last night I got to see Blue Eyes properly for the first time in a long while which was so great.

I'm increasingly beginning to see and appreciate that friendships I haven't valued enough are actually everywhere I turn. I'm surrounded in all directions in my hometown, across the UK, across Europe and across the ocean. They're not location based, some took work, others existed from the first moment we met, but all those friendships together are my network and part of who I am and for that I am only now beginning to be eternally grateful.

Much love,
xx

Energized

2010-06-20T20:17:00.000+01:00

After two weeks of sunshine, cloudless blue skies and mountains, our pilot on Thursday evening informed us that the forecast for Friday afternoon when we were due to land in London was rainy showers. What a welcome home.

This time, though, there's a difference. I'm not as quick to get frustrated with small matters, I have my drive and passion, inspiration and vision back, I'm more mature with a wider perspective, I'm grateful for incredible friends and I'm excited about all the possibilities that the rest of this year holds.

Two and a half weeks away really does wonders for the soul. Even though you don't always realise it at the time, the distance from 'real life' and the time to focus changes the way you look and feel - and I'm not just talking about the tan and new clothes!

The Photographer and I had bonfires on the beach, saw our first baseball game, got to hang out with friends who became even closer and made new friends.

We explored Hollywood and realised that it's not as glamorous as it sounds. We explored Beverly Hills and discovered that it is as glamorous and gorgeous as it sounds.

We hiked, shopped, took lots of photos, hung out with more old friends, ate copious amounts, and I got to introduce the Photographer to my favourite place on earth.

So now we're back, missing our friends, the stunning skies, beautiful sunshine and breathtaking scenery but renewed and refreshed, with lots more to look forward to.

It's amazing what a holiday can do.

Much love,
xx

Daydreaming II

2010-06-01T10:22:00.000+01:00

I'm a thinker, a dreamer, a wonderer. Whilst I can easily focus on a task, I'm often happy to be distracted and when the task at hand requires no concentration at all, I find it extraordinarily easy to get sidetracked - just ask the Photographer! I smile at my own thoughts, I imagine possibilities, I ponder on how best to improve my character, I reflect on situations and I anticipate the future.

With this in mind, I was heartened when I read an article yesterday that justified the joy of daydreaming. The writer openly advocates "stillness, meditation, reflection [and] silence." The revelations, understanding and appreciation of our circumstances that emerge in those quiet times can be astounding and at times quite a release as we allow ourselves the time to gather our thoughts and turn them into constructive creativity.

Without sounding overly philosophical, I find myself agreeing whole-heartedly with the author's comment that "in moments of stillness, now as then, we find opportunities for reflection, random association and creativity. Lose the gift of daydreaming and we lose that connection to our inner selves."

Much love,
xx

Hindsight II

2010-05-27T13:15:00.003+01:00

I remember so clearly a girl I met on our induction day at Secondary School when we were 10. I had no idea she would become one of my oldest and closest friends.

I remember flying out to America aged 17 and meeting a group of people who would share so many life-changing memories that they know me better than most. One of them, 6 years later, remains one of the biggest inspirations in my life.

I remember meeting my other two closest friends at University and hoping very much they'd get on with me as much as I did them. They became the three namesakes who I know and trust will always be there for me, and me for them.

I remember the interview for my old pre-school teaching job with a stranger who had an 8 year old, a 3 year old and a 6 month old baby. She became one of the biggest blessings in my life and her children, now 13, 7 and 5 are growing up to be the most amazing set of kids I've ever met.

I remember first meeting the Photographer and thinking "Why does the most gorgeous guy I've ever seen arrive when I can't have him?" Little did I know he would become my absolute best friend, closest ally and other half.

I remember my first week at my current job, meeting someone who I went home and talked to the Photographer about. She is now a close friend as well as a colleague and I'm so grateful to have her.

With hindsight, I can remember those first encounters and moments so clearly, but at the time I had no idea the marked impact those people would have on my life. When you're in a new environment, you so often get enveloped in finding your feet. I'm so very grateful that amidst those new times, I made memories that I will cherish, because I remember the very first time I met people so incredible that they have changed my life for the better.

Much love,
xx

Anticipation II

2010-05-24T16:36:00.000+01:00

As long as the ash cloud behaves itself, the Photographer and I will be sunning ourselves in California in less than two short weeks. Friends, palm trees, sun, sea and sand with a little bit of sightseeing thrown in. After a week of self-indulgence in LA we'll be off to the Rockies for a week in Colorado with more friends and the most incredible scenery.

For once, I'm not convinced that the joy is in the anticipation. I literally cannot wait although I fear the Photographer may have a hard job dragging me back on the plane to come home...!

Much love,
xx

Puzzle

2010-05-22T08:00:00.000+01:00

My life feels like it resembles a puzzle right now. All the pieces are there, I can see them and touch them, rotate them and ponder over them, they're just not assembled yet. But I know, trust and anticipate that when they are, the picture will be beautiful.

Much love,
xx

Jump start

2010-05-20T08:50:00.000+01:00

My car occasionally plays up. It decides it doesn't want to go backwards or of late, doesn't want to go forwards. But like a naughty child it soon stops when I threaten it with the doctors (a.k.a. the garage). Two weeks ago it magically ran like clockwork again but now that the impending possibility of a trip to the garage has passed it will occasionally wait a few seconds before jumping into gear and then leaping into life.

This, coupled with an email I read this morning, made me think about journeys, jump starts and the importance of steadiness. Jumping forwards then stopping sharply, rolling backwards and stopping before making a giant leap forwards again provides no stability. At the moment my mind is so cluttered with numerous different things connected to all aspects of my life however remotely connected, that I dart between them all without finding my steady pace.

Last week the Photographer asked me if I'd like to set aside a night this week for him to spoil me. For him to cook dinner while I have a luxurious long bath, for him to pamper me with chocolate and watch a girly movie with me. Of course I was delighted but now even more so. Tonight I'm going to try to start going at a more steady pace, to sort out some of my thoughts and to stop darting around. I'll let you know how it goes...

Much love,
xx

Autopilot

2010-05-13T09:55:00.000+01:00

From hesitantly finding my way to work and then exploring a new town six months ago, I have slowly slipped into autopilot. I get into my car, reverse out of the drive and then drive the same route every morning. I pass the same people - the schoolchildren, the one that's really tall, the lady with the pink ipod and the cyclist with the skull jacket - and navigate the same bustling routes.

This morning I realised just how much I appreciate the opportunities that autopilot allows. The space to think and pray. The time to start my day at a pace I enjoy. The preparation for a hectic day or the prospect of a calmer day. The quiet waking up to a new start.

I am rarely rushed on my commute. I leave in plenty of time and the journey is straightforward (now that I know it!) and in six months I have never arrived flustered - nor do I usually leave in that state. But I am beginning to thank autopilot for this stress-free beginning to my day.

The opposite is true on my journey home. In contrast to my silent morning journey, I often have music blaring on my way home to take my mind off the day's thoughts and trials. I adore my job and am very thankful that as well as loving it, I can also leave it at the office most days. And although the petrol costs are criminal, I am also thankful for my commute; for autopilot and for loud music meaning that the beginning and end of my work day are more often than not, blissfully care-free.

When is your chance to switch to autopilot?

Much love,
xx

Broken Strings

2010-05-08T15:34:00.001+01:00

"You can't play on broken strings"
~ James Morrison

When there's a situation in your life that you want to fix, it takes a lot not to rush straight in. But sometimes other things need to be made right first - the strings need to be mended before you can play them, so to speak. Time spent mending strings is not time wasted. Think about the end result. If you invest that time and wait patiently, the meltworthy music that results will make it worthwhile.

"Tension is to be loved, if it is like a passing note to a beautiful, beautiful chord."

~ Sixpence None the Richer

And if all of the above is a riddle, just smile with me and then you can click 'Mark as Read' in your reader :)

Much love,
xx

The New Busy

2010-05-04T09:24:00.001+01:00

A while ago I heard an advert for Twix and Tea for which the slogan was "Twix and Tea. Pause More." I reflected at the time on how novel a slogan this was for the 21st Century in a climate that usually encourages us to eat, talk and work on the go.

The same thoughts occurred to me on hearing the newest advert for Hotmail inviting us to be a part of the "New Busy." The Old Busy was the rushed, on-the-go lifestyle that has been advocated before now. The New Busy involves finding the time to listen to the birds and run barefoot in the park - a complete redefinition of the term.

Particularly with my recent thoughts on how better to use my time, this phrase and this marketing campaign, for that is what it is after all, is something that resonates with me. I do want to redefine how I view Busy and make more time to dip my toes in a paddling pool, run barefoot on a beach, see, hear and taste the world. I won't be using Hotmail to do it - I'm perfectly content with Gmail - so in that sense their campaign has not worked on me. Their slogan, however, I admire and I find it encouraging that the world seems slowly to be returning to a mindset that encourages a slower pace in order to make quality time and actually enjoy and treasure the moments that make life worth living.

Much love,
xx

Time

2010-04-30T13:24:00.001+01:00

With the longer evenings and more available light that the summer brings, my thoughts have strayed to ponder the concept of time and how I use it. In doing so I have realised that there are various things I want to start doing more of with my time, some a little more vague than others.

- Get more involved with Church again.
- Spend my time more creatively.
- Spend even more time with friends.
- Make time quality across the board - invest and use it wisely.
- Get fitter.
- Waste less time with activities like television (with special exception for Glee!)
- Actually get some chores done.

So blogosphere I give you full permission to hold me accountable to the above and in return I would love to know what you do with your time and what you'd like to do differently. It might give me some more ideas...

Much love,
xx

Daydreaming

2010-04-28T13:04:00.000+01:00

Yesterday was Miss Hopeful's birthday and our usual Tuesday night Bible Study turned into dinner, chocolate cake and Articulate. For those of you that have never played this game I would thoroughly recommend it. It is always guaranteed to induce side-splitting laughter from beginning to end as words and phrases that you would never even think of, are crammed into 60 seconds of describing. The Photographer and I won, just, two games to one - a good thing given the Photographer's competitiveness having grown up with a twin brother!

Tonight I'm having drinks with a good friend, tomorrow promises dinner with another close friend and then comes the Bank Holiday weekend which brings my Beautiful Blonde back down south for a few days of fun, games and celebration. I'm loving the lighter evenings in anticipation of summer. Suddenly there is more time to do things and see people in the evenings; where there was no time, the sunshine seems to have magically provided some. And in just over a month, the Photographer and I will be jetting off for a dreamy two weeks with friends across the ocean.

Relishing the prospect of summer and daydreaming of an endless season of possibility.

Much love,
xx

Celebrating IV

2010-04-25T14:05:00.000+01:00

Our last celebration in October marked one year, meaning that today, the Photographer and I celebrate 18 months. Since this is the last of the celebrations that we can really get away with in month rather than year format, we decided to make the most of the fact that it fell on a weekend. Whilst bouncing ideas around, we stumbled across the prospect of London Zoo. I've been to London Aquarium quite recently and, although I grew up in London, I don't ever remember going to the famous zoo.

We started the day with Blue Eyes' 21st breakfast and finished it at a home in Strawberry Hill with some good friends. In between, the weather behaved beautifully and we spent a glorious few hours wandering around. Having been on safari, seeing animals in captivity creates a dual response of being able to get close but simultaneously feeling almost apathetic because they're so obviously not in their natural habitat. Nonetheless it was a truly relaxing day with some glimpses below...

Today the Photographer is spoiling me further, having taken me out for breakfast this morning and then treating me to dinner at a lovely local restaurant tonight. All the celebrating aside, I'm truly thankful that I've been blessed with spending 18 months with my other half.

Much love,
xx

Still learning lessons

2010-04-23T15:02:00.001+01:00

There's always something more for me to discover...

- A sign of wisdom is finally learning to take your own advice.
- When even chocolate doesn't work, swings help you see the world from a higher perspective.
- There is definitely something to be said for thinking too much. Sometimes you just have to live.
- When confronted with something you dread, it's amazing how that fear slides away.
- To have friends include you in their rollercoaster of life is such a privilege.
- Being away from the spotlight but part of the mechanism that's making it happen is such an adrenaline rush.
- Humble assertiveness is not easy but worth the continuous effort.
- "By standing firm you will gain life." ~ Luke 21:19
- Time passes too quickly to worry for long.
- Interrupting routine every now and then works wonders for the soul.
- Summer is spontaneity.

I'll leave it at that for now. I feel like I'm learning so many small things at the moment that together make a big difference to who I am. It's amazing how lots of tiny lessons learned make such a big impact.

Much love,
xx

Sneeze

2010-04-18T20:21:00.000+01:00

When I was younger I had a discreet, almost adorable, little sneeze. As the years have gone by, it has become ridiculously loud, in an almost humorous way.

The Photographer and I went for a walk yesterday morning and passed some window cleaners, high up on a cherry picker, cleaning the glass windows of a very tall building. As we walked passed, one of my unexpected sneezes reflected off the tall building and one of the window cleaners yelled down from his perch, "Bless you!"

This morning, our vicar welcomed those in Singapore and elsewhere who were listening online, as their flights home had been cancelled due to the ash cloud. Just after he had started speaking, I felt a familiar tickle and before I knew it, my sneeze had echoed through the Church.

With an amused grin, the Photographer who was sat next to me, turned to me and whispered, "They heard that in Singapore!"

Oh dear me...!

Much love,
xx

Living History II

2010-04-16T22:02:00.001+01:00

Twice in the last week I have witnessed history in the making. There are only a few other times when I have consciously felt as though I was living through a moment or event that future generations will call 'history' but it has always made me think.

The first of the events this week was the complete shutdown of UK airspace over the last two days as a result of a volcanic ash cloud making its way from its source in Iceland across northern Europe. It was a surreal experience to receive an email today from a guest who was supposed to be attending an event we have been running the past two days. He cited 'volcanic ash' and 'natural phenomena' as his reasons for not being able to attend and he was just one amongst many who's flights had been cancelled for the same reason.

The second historic first was the live debate between our three Party leaders as part of the election campaign. I must say I was both impressed and appalled. They made occasional good points and for three men who were clearly terrified, they at least said something. Most of the time, however, they spouted nonsense and became increasingly irritating, as those following #leadersdebate on twitter will have noticed.

Both of these events, although neither has effected me directly, have been a part of history. It is not often that we live through momentous firsts - moments that quite literally shape our future in some way or another, moments that will henceforth be set in stone as the first of their kind.

Every day that passes writes our personal histories. Each event we live through sculpts our character. Witnessing history in progress places us into those moments that our children will learn about in a classroom. We will have to wait until then to know what their true effects will be but for now I'm just happy to be a part of it.

Much love,
xx

Sunshine and Sparkle

2010-04-10T16:07:00.001+01:00

Today is my Daddy's birthday. As my sister was tied up at a wedding for most of the day, we opted for a family breakfast celebration. At my Daddy's request, we settled on the Runnymede Hotel and enjoyed a fantastic breakfast by the river Thames, with the calming ripple of the water as a peaceful backdrop.

The Photographer and I then decided to make the most of the fleeting sunshine and went on a long walk. As usual, he caught some of the sights on camera...

Once again, take careful note of the sparkly shoes! I'm building quite a collection of shoe photos now, with my green Converses and purple boots. The stunning photo of the Kite flying above us and the purple flowers at our feet - grape hyacinths for those who were wondering - are also worth admiring (although perhaps not as much as the shoes!)

Much love,
xx

Actively waiting

2010-04-05T08:00:00.006+01:00

When I consider the process of waiting, my immediate associations include impatience, boredom, uncertainty and dissatisfaction. If this is true, then much of our lives would be spent in this uneasy state. We spend a lot of time waiting; be it for a specific answer, the next stage of our life, an exciting event or something more routine.

In the extended periods of transition or waiting that seem to occur frequently in my life, it has been intriguing to explore the concept of actively waiting. I have always been intent on making the most of situations in which I find myself, not least because I inevitably learn something from them and emerge with stronger conviction and experience. I don't want to look back longingly at a stage in my life because I didn't make the most of it at the time.

Actively waiting allows me to look forward with anticipation, to hope with certainty, to expect with assurance, to be ready and then to appreciate whatever comes next. It allows me to get on with learning life's lessons whilst the rest of my life plays out. It allows me to experience the world without becoming too frustrated when I feel as though it isn't moving fast enough.

I am forever grateful for the many people in my life who challenge me and open my eyes to new perspectives. I am thankful that I am slowly learning that waiting actively transforms the process into one of excitement rather than impatience, productivity instead of boredom and contentment rather than uncertainty and dissatisfaction.

Much love,
xx

Audience of One

2010-04-01T21:32:00.001+01:00

The Photographer's twin brother is an active member of Christians in Sport (CIS), when lack of injury permits. The society have a motto, which he wears on a wristband : 'Audience of One'.

I love this motto. So often it is easy to be consumed with figuring out what mass numbers of people think of us. Recently, in a few aspects of my life, I have wondered what others think of me, and how they could possibly have got that impression. It is those around me who know me well, who are then forced to remind me that impressions are not always the full story and the only opinions that count are of those that have taken the time to know me. I was filled with respect last week, when a friend took the time to talk to me purely to tell me that their impression of me, pieced together from things they had heard, was uninformed and untrue, and they were sorry for allowing the grapevine to influence their own opinion.

These situations have made me more aware that impressions from a distance can differ vastly from the truth. This is true not only of how others see me, but also of how I see others. Only when we have made the effort and taken the time to meet and try to understand another person, can we even begin to decide how that relationship might grow.

We are never going to be 'best friends' with everyone. That is not the intention behind the term relationship. We are also never, no matter what our opinion, in a position to judge others.

"Why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye?" ~ Matthew 7:3

I have, however, been recently reminded that I need to be humbly assertive. I am uncomfortably aware of the biggest flaws in my character and am working on them. What I had forgotten was that from afar, it is easy to see only what you want to see. It is when I remember that there is only person who's judgement of me counts - God's - that I cling to the motto 'Audience of One'. If I live according to that, then the rest will, by His very nature, fall into place.

Much love,
xx

The world at my fingertips

2010-03-25T09:29:00.000Z

I remember the very first time I used the internet. I was in my early teens and only had access to the internet at my parent's office. I wasn't sure how to use it and had to ask my parents to show me. When I grasped the basics, I managed to navigate my way to the website of a kids/teens television channel I used to watch.

I remember getting internet at home for the first time a couple of years later, and having to cable my humongous desktop in my bedroom through to the phone line in my parent's bedroom every time I wanted to go online.

I remember switching from dial-up to broadband, and the delight which ensued at the thought of not having to monitor my every second online for fear of it costing the earth.

I remember getting wireless and with joy and great ease moving my laptop around the house and being connected without the need for cables.

Now, if I want to find something out, I 'google' it. I have all the answers at my fingertips. Or do I?

Part of me wonders whether the evolution of the world-wide-web has made people lazy and unobservant. No longer do we search for answers ourselves, we accept whatever google or wikipedia tells us. No longer do we go to the library for resources, we simply sit at a screen. No longer do we write, we type. No longer are we patient, we have become accustomed to the instant.

Technically, I have the world at my fingertips and I can find almost any answer with the click of a mouse (or the tap of a touchpad), but in reality, the world is out there. It isn't contained within the confines of a desktop, a laptop or a smartphone, and I have no intention of allowing the promise of having the world at my fingertips to stop me from actually experiencing the world.

Much love,
xx

Yet more lessons learned

2010-03-23T08:00:00.003Z

It's been over a year since I last shared the lessons I have been learning in life. Having just read through all of the blogs that I have written in this 'series' I'd love for you to go back in time and read them. I'm surprised at how many I still live out and how many I've re-learned many times since their first discovery. Either way, I thought it was about time to add to that list...

- Life is not a race. The faster you try to run, the more you'll miss on the way.
- Life is not a competition. When others think they've won, they've often missed the point.
- "The best-laid plans of mice and men go oft awry."
- Be flexible. When you can't see where you're going, trust in where you are.
- Always take the time to find perspective.
- Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. ~ James 1:2-3
- Find joy in creativity.
- Tolerance is not a good thing. It says, "You're wrong, but I'll put up with you."
- Respect is a good thing. It says, "I'm no better than you, even when we disagree."
- You know you've found your other half when the rest of your life doesn't seem long enough to spend with them.
- Keep creating memories, don't just live on the old ones.
- Build foundations in the good times so that they're there when the rest of your world crumbles.
- Reserve judgement. It's not your place.
- Life is about the journey, and who you travel with.
- A good bath leaves you looking like a tomato.
- A sister understands a part of you that nobody else can know, and she is often one of the few people who will be able to see life through your eyes.
- Children will teach you so much about life if you take the time to listen.
- Sometimes you have to give things up in order to make the most of where you are and start new adventures.
- "If at first you don't succeed, stop and have some chocolate."

Much love,
xx

Re-learning

2010-03-20T08:00:00.000Z

George Orwell once said,

"Sometimes the first duty of intelligent men is to restate the obvious."

I can't even begin to describe how often I have found this to be true. Mostly with myself. I have written before of how there are some lessons I need to learn over and over and yet they surprise and delight me every time I encounter them again. I love to challenge myself. I love to see progress in myself. I love other people challenging me and then encouraging me. I hope I do the same to others.

Hopefully I'll remember Orwell's quote, for a little while at least. Just long enough for me to re-learn another of life's lessons.

Much love,
xx

Debris

2010-03-17T20:28:00.000Z

On the way home from work this evening, the traffic on one particular stretch was very slow. It was slow enough that I could gaze out of the window and properly take in what I usually speed past every day. The stretch is a dual carriageway and so the two sides of traffic are separated by metal barriers. On the ground underneath were infinite rocks and stones, a few random tufts of grass and numerous twigs. There were many bottles and squashed cans, the occasional cigarette packet and the more frequent cigarette butt. There was thin plastic, grasping at nothing in particular but waving in the wind and there were hubcaps and rubber that some poor car is now without.

None of the above are particularly interesting or surprising but there were two bits of rubbish which caught my eye. The first was a biscuit tin. The second, a dummy.

What made me think was the stories behind those two items coming to be disregarded on a usually fast-paced stretch of road. Was it a hot summer's day with the windows down and the baby throwing their dummy out of the window in a tantrum? Were the biscuit tin owners in a traffic jam and thought they may as well leave their tin by the side of the road instead of cluttering their car further? There are many possible scenarios to explain how these abstract objects came to be there.

I've never understood littering, but seeing these items tossed as rubbish left me thinking even further. What debris do I need to get rid of? What do I need to leave at the side of the road and carry on without? There are many things I have done this with in my life and it has lifted a weight from my shoulders. Even recently there are things I have been working on in myself that have finally begun to shift.

I intensely dislike littering, but in this case, a little debris at the side of the road may not be a bad thing.

Much love,
xx

End of an era

2010-03-16T09:39:00.001Z

Last night marked the end of an era. It was my last rehearsal with the band I have been principal flautist for, for the last four years. My new job is fantastic but it has meant that getting in to the BBC studios in London where we rehearse every Monday night has become more hectic than is viable. I leave work early in order to get there on time and leave rehearsal early in order to get home at a fairly decent hour. All this to start my week. So although my reasons for leaving were right, it's still hard to say goodbye to something that has been a part of me for so long.

What I realised on my journey home last night is that this band has been a constant upon which a lot of the rest of my life can be plotted against. The Photographer came to a concert long before we were going out. We recorded for BBC Radio 3 the day after he and I got together. It was my escape from the bubble in which I live when things got too claustrophobic. I finished university whilst playing for them, have taught pre-schoolers, looked after students and now run corporate events, all to a backdrop of Monday night rehearsals and frequent concerts. There has always been someone watching me in the audience - mostly my parents, but once my ex and often the Photographer. From an excitable just-20-year-old to an independent 23-year-old, this band has watched me grow.

There are a few particular events which feature as highlights - recording for BBC Radio 3, going on tour to France and staying in a gîte, getting to know the security guards at the studios and making one of them smile when he saw me come in because I took the time to chat to him, and one girl in particular who will remain a friend even though our initial reason for meeting is no longer there.

I have loved 'my' section, but this flautist I really clicked with from the start. We met every week at the tube station before rehearsal and went to a small local coffee shop in a back street for one of the best hot chocolates I've ever tasted. She and I dissected life together every Monday night and our talks made such a difference at some particularly rough times. We laughed, we cried, we advised, we listened and our friendship grew. If it wasn't for our rehearsals, we would never have met. For her I am always grateful.

I am now well-versed in the Bakerloo Line and in driving into London for the odd Sunday concert, recording or rehearsal and although by the time I left I didn't know every member of the band - particularly the ones who joined in the last few weeks - they made me feel loved and missed last night, with a spontaneous round of applause.

End of an era. But it feels so good to go out on a high.

Much love,
xx

Sandpit politics

2010-03-10T08:00:00.000Z

The Photographer and I spent a lovely sunny afternoon on Sunday with one of my little Jo Jinglers and his mum. While the Photographer taught him how to make good sandcastles, his mother and I were commenting on the amount you can learn from observing a sandpit.

There are some children who steal buckets and spades, there are some children who throw sand, there are some children who play quietly by themselves in a corner, there are some children who play with a friend they've just made. This in itself isn't that unusual for a collection of kids aged 2 to 6. What is more interesting is the way their parents act.

Some mothers laugh when their children throw sand, others scold in an embarrassed attempt to hide their child's misdemeanour. Some mothers engage with other children in a warm and natural way, and encourage their child to play nicely with others. Some mothers are so involved in their own conversations with other adults that their child's mischievous activities, or their achievements, go unnoticed.

I was most impressed with the way my little Jo Jingler's mum handled the situation when she saw a little boy accidentally destroy her son's sandcastle when he wasn't looking. Her son turned around and, with a face verging on tears, asked "where's my pie?"* She looked at him and with a gentle voice asked "do you want me to tell you the truth?" He nodded slowly and she responded, "a little boy knocked it over by accident but I'm sure he's very sorry." Her son absorbed the information, gathered his resolve and set to work building another pie.

There is so much you can learn from observing sandpit politics. I wonder what I'll see next time.

Much love,
xx

*He had been building a fish pie. He'd even left it aside in the bucket to 'cook'!

Life's mosaic

2010-03-08T15:38:00.000Z

I received a comment from Rachel on my last post, in which she referred to her life as a 'mosaic'. There are lots of different people and situations which come together to make up my life. If I were to make a collage that captured who I am, there would be very specific people and places I would want to include. I realised that the aspect of my life where I currently feel a little lost, is still one that I would include, because it is a part of me.

I like that my life is a mosaic. It comprises so many different parts and they're at different levels of importance. Their piece in the mosaic might be big or small, but without them - be they people or places - there would be a hole in that mosaic and I wouldn't be complete.

If I look at my life like that, then the contrasts really do just seem beautiful, just like striking contrasts in colour in a sunset, subtle contrasts in shapes and lines in a piece of art or luxurious contrasts in tone and texture in music.

I wonder, if I could actually capture every aspect of my life, what my mosaic might look like...

Much love,
xx

Juxtaposition and contrast

2010-03-05T10:35:00.000Z

When we moved into our house over 18 months ago, Mr Fir's favoured phrase for the moment was "that's a great juxtaposition..." We took this to a bizarre extreme when finding pictures to fill photo frames in our front room - we decided to place a tube map next to a pizza flyer in a double frame.

This phrase, however, seems to have filtered into the rest of my life of late. I feel completely lost in one aspect and yet totally settled in most others. It's an odd sensation. The Photographer has been brilliant at trying to work out my thoughts for me, when they don't make much sense to me! There seems to be a stark contrast between the good and the bad. Thankfully the former vastly overcomes the latter, but there is still that noticeable nag in the back of my mind that something somewhere is misplaced.

Perhaps a better phrasing would be that for me, this is a season of contrasts. Contrasts within my character, contrasts in my life and even contrasts in my surroundings - I've never seen such a distinct change in season from one day to the next; on Monday it was winter, on Tuesday it was spring.

Maybe if I just embrace the variety, those few things that are lost or misplaced, may start to make a little more sense...

Much love,
xx

Remnants of Perfection

2010-03-01T08:00:00.003Z

The other evening the Photographer led our Bible study. Our group had touched on a topic in our last meeting that he decided to elaborate on - the topic of Heaven. For me, the most profound concept that he introduced was that we are currently living on the remnants of a perfect earth. Earth was once absolutely perfect, free from destruction, free from disaster, free from sin and free from everything else that accompanied the Fall. It was heavenly.

That earth and the one we now inhabit are one and the same. The Photographer and my shared love of nature and being outdoors - especially when we want to think and gain a little perspective - are understood in a totally new light if this is taken into consideration. What we see as a beautiful sunrise, a stunning field bathed in the glow of a setting sun, mountains, frost, lakes, waterfalls - everything that takes our breath away - suddenly gains meaning. The reason why these scenes effect us so greatly is because they are quite literally glimpses of Heaven. They are the remnants of what once was perfect.

Earth will again be perfect. This planet that we live on and see every single day will one day be restored to perfection and glory. That's something I want to be a part of. It gives a whole new meaning to Belinda Carlisle's famous lyrics, "Heaven is a place on earth..."

Much love,
xx

Green

2010-02-26T13:43:00.004Z

We are in the middle of Fairtrade Fortnight, so I thought it was about time I wrote about something I'm becoming increasingly passionate about; something which also happens to be my favourite colour - green.

About a year ago I finally got around to doing something very simple: buying a re-useable shopping bag. I walked home from doing my grocery shop that day feeling more than usually positive, just because I knew I'd begun to make the tiniest of differences. Soon tesco brought out these little gems and I've never looked back. They fit in my bag so I never have to remember to bring them - a huge plus for a goldfish memory like mine - they take up virtually zero space and they are extremely sturdy - they've lugged my heavy shopping for a year now!

I started to buy Fairtrade whenever I could, including groceries and clothes, and started to recycle cans, bottles, cartons and even clothes, taking binbags full to the local charity shops. I'm beginning to think that being 'green' is hugely selfish as it truly feels great actively to be doing these things.

For the past two days a few of my colleagues and I have been attending International Confex - an events exhibition at Earl's Court - and although we very much enjoyed the show, I was struck by the very apparent lack of 'green' or Fairtrade stands. The one saving grace in this department was a keynote session given by Jo Fairley - the founder of the global ethical chocolate brand Green&Black's. I'll admit that my initial interest was not of a green nature, but after a short while listening to her engaging presentation, it became clear that her ethics and emphasis on customer service were the reason behind this company's success.

One of the things that I found convicting was her description of the conditions in which unethically traded cocoa farmers work. Chemicals result in skin diseases and birth defects for wages which are barely high enough to survive. For a chocoholic like me that's certainly a firm incentive to continue supporting fairly traded chocolate.

Similarly I was reading an article yesterday by Adjoa Andoh - a firm supporter of Fairtrade Fortnight - who as part of her ":60second interview" was describing how many unfairly traded wineries pay 50% of their staff's wages in alcohol, which as she then went on to comment, can have a ruinous effect.

There are small things and big things that we can do to become more ethically minded and do our part. I'm only just beginning to discover all of the possibilities but one thing is becoming increasingly clear. There's more to my favourite colour than I had first thought.

Much love,
xx

Planes

2010-02-21T11:43:00.000Z

Yesterday the Photographer and I got around to doing something we've been talking about for ages - plane watching. We live very close to Heathrow airport so it was an activity we could squeeze into an afternoon, in between seeing friends morning and evening. We found a fantastic spot on the Perimeter Road encasing Heathrow where the planes fly directly overhead, just seconds before landing.

Watching all of those planes arrive and take off representing a wide variety of airlines, long distance aircrafts, short distance aircrafts and even a Learjet, reminded me of my love of travelling and served to fuel my desire to be on one of those planes again. That moment when you are seconds from touching down, that moment that we were watching from the ground, is always full of excitement, either because your holiday is about to start or because you're coming home.

As the setting sun glinted off the planes and their wheels made contact creating a cloud of dust, I just watched and wondered where the occupants had come from or were going and looked forward with eager anticipation to June when I will again become one of the occupants.

One of the Photographer's selection

Much love,
xx

Twix and Tea

2010-02-17T09:27:00.000Z

I heard an advert on the radio on my drive home from work yesterday, of which I found the underlying marketing concept interesting. I clearly remember an advert early last year, for a bank which emphasised its reliability and stability in a recession. It was the first advert I had seen that specifically related to the current economic climate and I noted it because of how advertising had been impacted and evolved as a result.

Similarly, I have looked on with interest at the BT adverts which are campaigning for an increased use of landlines as opposed to mobile phones, to ensure quality talk time rather than constant noise and interruption on the go - an outlandish suggestion for most of today's society.

The advert that I heard yesterday evening was for Twix, and their slogan was "Twix and Tea. Pause More." In a culture that is constantly being encouraged to eat on the go, talk on the go, receive and write emails on the go; a culture where the majority of adverts are aimed at making fast-paced, non-stop lifestyles a little easier or more manageable, this slogan stands out.

I know that we could all do with more pause. Just last night I was remarking to the Photographer about how full my diary has become, when I had been determined to keep it a little lighter this year and at work yesterday lunchtime I was discussing with a group of friends how a small amount of scheduled 'Quiet Time' could vastly improve our days. So although I would personally substitute the Tea for Coffee, I am impressed by this advert. I'm all for

Twix and Tea. Pause More.

Much love,
xx

The same but different III

2010-02-16T08:00:00.001Z

Writing this post reminded me of a phrase that my dad used so often when my sister and I were younger: "The same but different."* It describes us very well - in some ways we are identical, in others we are unique. It's why we work so well as friends, but that wasn't why he used that phrase with us. He travelled a lot and always brought us presents to let us know he was thinking of us. He was and is one of the most fair and just men I know and he never wanted to get one of us more or less than the other. So he always bought the same thing but different.

The same hoody but in our favourite colours. The same jewellery box but with individual designs. The same bookmark but with a personalised message. Sometimes when he wasn't sure which of the two options we'd each prefer he'd let us choose. My sister got to pick, then the next trip I got to pick, and so it went on.

He doesn't travel quite as much any more, but when he does, twenty-three years later, he will still follow that same method - there's a little less squabbling over who's turn it is to choose these days though!

I'm so proud and blessed that I have a Daddy who loves us both so much that he goes out of his way to be the same, but different.

Much love,
xx

*I've had it pointed out to me that I have already written another blog along these lines a while ago. Clearly it means a lot to me...!

The same but different II

2010-02-13T10:34:00.001Z

On reflection, I can't believe that a year has passed since I wrote this. Once again, neither of us has any desire to participate in Valentine's Day. I have no want or need for more commercial hype. The Photographer surprises me with chocolates and flowers quite frequently, he shows his love in so many ways. That will be no different this Valentine's and I would be cross if he spent money on overpriced cards, flowers and chocolates at this time of year.

The Six Nations has come round again, so we will be watching the rubgy, just like last year. We'll go out to Jacob's ladder and watch a steam engine, just like last year. We're eating in, just like last year. We'll probably enjoy a cold glass of wine and a movie, just like last year.

It may seem as though things haven't progressed at all but that is so far from the truth so let me elaborate a little...

This year, the morning, what's left of it, will be spent by me lazily and by the Photographer working in London - his business is immeasurably further than last year. The afternoon will be spent by me scrapbooking alongside watching the rugby with the Photographer - I've discovered to a greater depth over the last year, the things that I find enjoyable just for me. Being enveloped in smoke from a steam engine will now seem familiar - we have experienced many new things over the last year, so coming back to something we know well will be exciting and nostalgic. The evening will be spent with the Photographer cooking for me rather than the other way around - the last year has taught us more about balance, having things to look forward to and getting out of routine every once in a while. And tomorrow we will be at a different Church - together we have learned so much in the last year about what we value and why.

The same day, but so very different.

What is the same or different in your life this weekend, compared to this time last year?

Much love,
xx

P.S. Retitled having been reminded that I wrote this post already.